| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| spud (profile) wrote, on 4-12-2005 at 11:16pm | |
| Current mood: exhausted Music: The Police - Every Breath You Take |
|
| i just can't fucking do it all. and mom doesn't help. she tries, but fails miserably. i still love her. i just get sick of being dragged down all the time. but seriously... if you look at it one thing at a time, my workload doesn't seem all that unreasonable. like tonight, i only had 2 moderately sized homework assignments. and social life wise, i'm growing up. just like all other well-adjusted people do. college wise, i'm way behind, but lots of other people are. i just need to fill out a couple pages of some personal information, write a measly essay, shuck out my parents' money, and do a little legwork. that's it. and socially i have to learn how to tolerate and communicate with my friends and family, and help them do the same with everyone else. i'd like to have money for a car, which i need to drive around. and for music equipment, which is one of my most serious passions. they tell me to aim high, but i'm having a bitch of a time with all the little mundane bullshit. how the hell am i supposed to provide all the great things they (and i) expect from me, when i can't even handle the mediocre tasks set forth now? i really don't see how i can. i'm not exactly a go-getter. but i do try. and i'm sick of having things blow up in my face, that i shouldn't have to be dealing with if i had a normal and well adjusted family, and interrupt everything. i go to school in the morning. i don't bust my ass at school, but i try. and i get interrupted constantly. but i learn to live with it, and do the best i can. i get out of school to have a sudden crisis with the evening's events, then supposedly it self corrects. so i go to kevin's to work out. no working out gets done, because more important matters needed to be discussed. and i think it went well. but it ate up an hour or so that, although worthwhile, was not spent doing the millions of other things that need to happen. then i come home and do the workout that never happened at kevin's. take a shower, because i haven't had time to take one since sunday. feed the puppies because bruce was upstairs sleeping, with some headache. put some music on, and flip through college shit i got in the mail. start in on homework. budgets are due tomorrow, and my floppy is all fucked up. which means all the work i'm trying to do, suddenly can't be done. and any that CAN be done will likely get fucked up in translation. and it wasn't backed up on my H drive, because i'm a moron like that. then i fuck melissa over, because i didn't finish the project. mom needs a ride to grand rapids to take the car back (it's 8 pm by this time) so i take mom to town, and we get dinner at steak & shake. i get into this huge discussion with her about prom and college and work and the new house. basically all this shit that i really didn't need on my mind right now. and now it is. and suddenly it's 11 pm, none of the homework is done. in fact, it feels like nothing has been done at all. and i go into school tomorrow saying, duhhhh.... sorry mrs. millard. i was too busy talking to my friend about his girl troubles and talking with my mom about life, and doing chores, and working out. and at that point it seems like there's no good reason for me to have done all the shit i did instead of homework. i just can't fucking do it all. i can't go through school and support myself financially, and support anybody else morally, and be a competent human being, and develop as a person, and have hobbies, and go out with friends, and work on my car, and fix everything in my life that's broken, and sleep and eat and get fatter. it's just too fucking much. i'm going to bed. Modern Business = *double deuce* POOF! ... YOUR HEAD A SPLODE! ... shit fuckers ... |
|
| Post A Comment |
|
sugarjackj | 04-13-05 6:27am im sorry :( |
spud | Re:, 04-14-05 4:54pm aww don't worry about it. it's me bitching into woohu. it's what it's good for. i'm really okay most of the time. i just don't make that apparent to anyone who reads my journal. |
phil-himself | 04-13-05 3:23pm modern business = assbag teachers that think they know things but don't actually teach anything |
skife | 04-14-05 11:35am i saw that rabbit in your avitar yesterday on pine lake.
|
spud | Re:, 04-14-05 4:54pm yeah, his exhaust broke just after the downpipe. it knocked me on my ass when i heard it at the track. it has a gorgeous idle because he has a performance cam in there, but i'm not sure what degree it is. it doesn't like to idle out of gear, though. and i think the head was zero-decked, so the compression ratio is higher. but what you heard was likely 104 octane, which is best matched for the way he has it setup. i love that car!!!
|
tails | 04-14-05 9:05pm with much love i say unto thee. welcome to an average teenage agenda. |