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SUGARJACKJ (profile) wrote,
on 4-14-2005 at 10:36pm
Track invite today was really bad, i suck so much.
I used to be good, now im not good at all.

i want to be the best at something. this brings up another point,

solo tryouts. for "Let all Mortal Flesh" Everyone thinks that Cecelia will get it, but have they even heard me sing? I love singing classical, and this is a Hymn-Anthem!! So i guess i want this to prove to myself that im good at something. I just want to be the best. (and i am probably expecting too much)

The track invite on Saturday is in grand rapids all day.

My sister called me today, telling me she couldn’t give me a ride to Max's birthday party. I didnt ask for a ride, but this mad me think "max is having a birthday party and im not even invited??" I was so sad. Then all my anger kind of bubbled up,"why does my mom feel the need to keep me out of ALL the family events?!" the only time i hear about it is from liz, or when liz gets invited and i don’t. I just feel worthless, like im not fit to be her child. And i know latley why she has been doing it. Because i dont agree with the way she handles some situations. But i still love her.

i love her so much it hurts, and it hurts because i dont get the feeling in return.

And these things go on that I cannot change, and it strains me because its just that

and this is not it, by no means. that just scratched the surface.

so now im going to go to bed, fall asleep with my stuffed unicorn in my arms and pray for a better day.



im so sorry. :,,(
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spud

peace, love., 04-15-05 4:10pm

hey, i've got crap going on with my mom too.

she does love me. and yours loves you. it's just hard to see it sometimes in what they do.

the only difference with me is, sometimes i'm not so sure that I reciprocate the feeling.

but i think i do. anyway... she hasn't threatened to kick you out of the house yet, has she? if she hasn't, then you know she still loves you. because mine loves me, and she's STILL threatened to kick me out, however halfheartedly.

so, it's all good.

and sleeping with unicorns is a cute image.

i couldn't help it.

(reply to this)

spud

P.S., 04-15-05 4:40pm


i know the feeling of totally sucking. esp. in track. i always sucked. i guess at least you were good at some point. and there's always the possibility to get better. i just remember being so disappointed with myself for never hitting 30' in shot put during competition. i got 29' 9". i was exceedingly pissed. because i KNOW that i threw 30' sometimes at practice. why not during competition? grrr....

anyway, i know how it feels. but the improvement will come. and it will feel good.

(reply to comment)