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| jennapie (profile) wrote, on 4-22-2005 at 10:45pm | |
| Current mood: crappy |
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| awwwwwww, I've had the worst week ever. I've cried too much and ached too much and worried too much and done too much, and UGH! I don't even know, everything just went DOWN. I wanna cry, and I have to work tomorrow, but for the first time in 3 weeks I have the night off so I really wanna go see that movie "A Lot Like Love, " and I wanna see it with Dani, but now she has to work , and I think we're gonna go after but that's so late, and I don't know what I'm going to do all night until that time. I just wanna pack everything into tomorrow, because it's my only time to do anything, and I still haven't made my hair appt. for prom, how pathetic is that? I don't know....I just don't know....I need to not be so hard on myself. I want a relationship, "there is a point in your life where your parents love just isn't enough anymore." (Dani Lauer) Seriously how true is that? I don't know, I think that this was a bad week for most everybody. I don't know why I am being so hard on myself about everything, but I can't seem to shake it that everything is getting so messed up. And SO many people are getting involved in my life all over where they shouldn't be. And are messing everything up! Ugh! I hate it, you really can't trust anyone anymore, except your parents and your best friends. That's all I have left. I can't count an anyone, and all of you wonder why I don't tell anyone anything!?! It's because when I do break down and give my true personal opinion's about anything, it's gets thrown back in my face and I get in trouble, or somebody get's hurt, and I'm the dirty culprit that caused it all. I don't know what to do or say anymore, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Seriously, I don't go around looking for ways to cause trouble. That isn't me at all, I don't go around looking for any way to cause conflict, I used to be this scared timid girl who wouldn't stand up for herself and wouldn't let things bother her because she was scared of conflict, but not any more.....if people are going to piss me off, one way or another they are going to know that I'm pissed, I'm not gonna be nice to their faces and then talk about them behind their backs. I'm not two-faced, and since I call people two-faced sometimes, I'm not going to be a hypocrit and do that, so if I'm mad at you, you'll know. I won't act like I don't care and everything is ok. It's not gonna be that way anymore, I need to learn to stand up for myself sometime before I venture out into the big bad real world. I don't know, I have let people, especially my sister's and friends walk all over me for as long as I can remember, but it's not gonna happen anymore, I'm not as freaken nice as you all think. I was just too scared to ever tell anyone anything that might hurt their feelings. UGH! I am so freakin frustrated! I don't even know what to do, and I can't once AGAIN talk to anyone about it, my one best friend is too close to all of this and the other one has way too much stuff going on to even worry about any of this. I wouln't want to add to her stress. AND THEN! my two best friends in the whole wide world don't like each other! I always feel like I have to play the middle man. and I can't go between them and choose. It's way too hard, and I hear it from both and it seriously breaks my heart, I think everything is getting so screwed up, and my senior year was going so well too. Everything was SO perfect, why does anything have to change, oh yeah! I remember, it's because I chose to be brutally honest for once, because we were going to be, and then it all changed, and then third parties had to get involved and add their two cents where it wasn't needed on top of everything else. UGH!!! Sometimes I wish I wasn't around anymore. Then none of this would be going on with anyone. And everyone could have their crushes and clicks and everything else and I wouldn't have to mediate any of it. I mean I love doing it for random people that I don't really know, I mean I am going into psycology as a career, I just hate it when it directly involves me. I don't know what to say or do to make anyone feel better in these situations, I feel like I am just defending myself and it's all so pointless because everything I say gets taken the wrong way, and nobody seems to understand what I'm trying to get across, and the only time that we're able to talk about it is on the freakin internet, which you can't ever make anyone truly get what you're trying to say, or hear the tone of your voice change, or anything that matters. GOSH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! |
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breezeyluvsu | 04-23-05 11:06am Jenna, if you dont want me prying into anything thats all youve gotta say. Im sorry i did it with the best of intentions. If it was really bothering you you should have just told me it wouldnt have broken my heart. I just wanted you to know that im here for you if you need me.
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swimfan14 | 04-23-05 11:12am If you never would have told me that a lot of that had to do with me I probably wouldn't have figured it out because I never figure things out but I'm glad we worked things out. |