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| spud (profile) wrote, on 4-26-2005 at 8:30pm | |
| Current mood: exceedingly pissed Subject: my poor baby |
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| i've been so angry today, it's strange. i haven't been this angry in a long time. it worries me. i don't like being angry. well, that's not true. i don't like how much i like being angry. it's very empowering. i'm normally a good natured guy, so it freaks people out when they see me upset. because i'm either one extreme or the other. i go from 0 to furious in about 0.007 seconds ... but it usually takes quite a bit to get me to that point. at least, a lot more than it used to. the only thing is, i used to be a seventy pound weakling. i couldn't do much damage when i beat the hell out of things as a kid. NOW it's an entirely different story. sometimes i underestimate my own strength. i guess that's why i like to weightlift when i'm angry. i actually use 100% of my potential capacity that way. the reasons i've gotten upset today. well, first it was calculus... the entire second half. and now the car. it's very nearly dead. well, the engine is fine. and the rest would last me the summer. the brakes are very fixable for cheap and with a nominal amount of energy, could be done within a week, maybe even a weekend, if i pushed myself. but it's not worth transplanting a new tranny into. not even a used tranny. and it's getting to be not driveable, because the fluid is leaking onto the clutch plates, and i'm not getting enough friction. and there's still the issue of guiding the clutch cable through the firewall. that would be such a pain in the ass to fix properly, but i can't seem to come up with anything else that works at all. i thought when i had to give up my baby, i would be sad. but i'm not sad. i'm just pissed at it. for some reason i just expected it to puke on me one day. some part would just blow, and i would be forced to find something else, because it would be too costly and time consuming to replace. but no, it's just kinda slowly drifting away, in a very frustrating, smelly, leaky manner. and for some reason that bothers me. like i don't want to give it up, because there's still that chance. but i have to give it up... and soon. which means i'm gonna have to steal the toyota for prom. which is not at all an appealing prospect. i could tolerate the stinking thing, if only the throttle wasn't so muddy. that just makes the whole driving experience a total nightmare. and it's just not cool. not that my car really is. but at least i like my car. i don't like the pickup at all; least of all, not well enough to delude myself into pretending it's cool. well... i'm faced with a decision. a decision that requires me to borrow money either way i go with it... source a cheap (yeah right $$$$) donor tranny, and a poor unfortunate soul (one who has tools) to help me install it. -OR- buy a newer used car. which may not even be a volkswagen... a very depressing prospect. if i sold my soul to the devil, i would get this one...  it's a 1984 GTI. it has a sports suspension, is ready to have a sound system installed, and has 200+ ponies under the hood. all for $3000. the guy is taking a huge loss on this (he has the receipts for 8 grand worth of parts). and i'm still too fucking poor... i suppose i would need to get a job in order to remedy my indigence, eh? shit fuckers... i'm so tired anymore. i just have no drive. it pisses me off. then once i've vented, all i've managed to do is waste more time getting nothing done, and wind up more tired than i was in the first place. and that really pisses me off... it's a vicious cycle. |
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phil-himself | 04-26-05 9:38pm prom shenanigans! |
skife | 04-27-05 1:23pm see if your parents could co-sign on a loan for you, and you'd have to get a job.
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spud | Re:, 04-27-05 3:25pm actually, THAT is the wrong picture. i apologize.
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skife | Re: Re:, 04-27-05 3:52pm still looks really nice. |
sugarjackj | :S, 04-27-05 5:41pm
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spud | Re: :S, 04-27-05 11:02pm awww... i love hugs!
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