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| Freaky (profile) wrote, on 5-1-2005 at 12:41am | |
| Going insane is like needing glasses....everything just goes blurry... When you know nothing makes sense anymore and you cant understand anything anymore. You yourself won't see it as going insane. You'll find yourself above others, stronger, smarter and superior. What do they know... nothing. Doctors say masturbating is perfectly natural. What do they know? They think "cause of your hormones, your brain will provide you with a certain chemical. This chemical will make you feel sexually stimulated and therefor you will start to masturbate...". But does this involve free will? Just like the goverment says things about society they never think about the free will. Instinct is what makes this world go under. Free will is gonna set it free, but where and with whom will it start? I've decided to start with myself. But then again... everything is becoming quite blurry to me... How I hate myself over and over again for the things I don't understand bout myself. Why do I do this, why do I do that...why why why. And every question I ask myself I can come up with at least a thousand answers. But never is there an easy answer like yes or no. Its always connected to a next question and also that question will have more answers then questions. Some people would say the pieces of the puzzle are falling in place. I say "thats one hell of a big puzzle" I doubt that one human beings life is enough to solve that puzzle. Sometimes I wonder if I should write it all down. But I just can't put the words on paper about what I think. The only thing I can do is tell Gaby. She is the only person who comes closest to understanding what I mean. And even she sometimes doesnt understand me. No I dont blame her at all. Even I dont understand myself sometimes. We argue, we make up, we move on. But where is the talking. Doesn't the misunderstanding stay when we don't talk...or is it forgotten forever. Another question I just don't know the answer to. People can make suggestions but I need something else then suggestions or theories cause I got enough of those myself. She told me that I always tell the truth, just like her dad. It hurted me more bad then when she says anything else to me. I know she hates her dad more then anything, and to hear that I actually got that little thing the same as him...I felt so disgusted, so sad, so angry... and so very little. Being hated is not so bad as being seen as the person which people hate most. Unless you are that person. Murder...would I be cappable of that. Probably not. Not cause I'd be taking a human life, but cause I'd end up in jail and waste my life there. Some people are bad at heart...you can tell. You can just tell. I think I am both...both good and bad at heart....like a demon and an angel. Though angels are pretty much gay if you ask me. Ah well, in the end I'm just another guy with alot on his mind. A simple....human. |
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fadedxtears | 05-09-05 10:32pm Good point, but dear, don't hate yourself. |
Freaky | Re:, 05-10-05 12:31pm Ok I wont, though I will |
| Anonymous | 05-14-05 6:55pm that is really interesting i can't believe u rote all that but wat do u really feel u got to explain to people how u feel and shout it out to the world and i think u mite have fellins for gaby but maybe not |
Freaky | Re:, 05-15-05 7:26am Shout it out to the world? Yeah right....they would consider me insane and lock me up. But I know I'm right. It's just humans. They don't understand the way I think, I know I'm not like them. I wish they could understand me, I wish they would say "hey dude, your right, we need to change it all"...but thats not gonna happen. So I dont even bother shouting out. It's wasted effort. Wasted time....and if theres something I hate besides hating humans then its wasting time.
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