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| robbingnovember (profile) wrote, on 5-16-2005 at 3:11pm | |
| Music: cursive- the game of who needs who the worst Subject: so let me slip away |
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| Maybe I'm not like most high schoolers (soon to not be, better yet just teenagers) because i like to stay home and do absolutely nothing. I almost find it an essential to going on with my life. I sit, I eat, I read, I dream. Soon i will call sara... i am in the mood for some swinging and some illegal activity. the usual. Damn. I hate that i will get addicted to this smoking business. not cigarettes.. but what's the difference anyway. goodbye health, lungs. whatever. I cut myself cutting a bagel today. I can see the blood through the band aid. I don't like being lied to or prepared, like softened up. I can handle the truth. [a secret, but you couldn't keep it so secret. relations without hesitation or social tact- cursive] I think it is funny, you know, those days when it seems that everyone calls you and you can't get any peace and then there are those days it seems you have no friends. It is all so funny. I am comforted in my discontent with the thought that in about a month I will get to see jeph and that it will be very much fun. I don't know if i will ever kiss karl.. it is something i have been toying with. And it is not because i am leading him on, i just haven't figured out what is best for my sanity. It seems as though my life is not mine. My decisions are decided by a general assembly. Either way i always seek rebellion against the general will. It would be best for me not to... but boring. Again i don't like being lied to. The songs playing keep reminding me of that. Taking back sunday, brand new. get it? Okay fine. my feelings don't have to be censored-- this is my fucking journal. I love how i get to look back on my prom night--yeah my date hooked up with my best friend while i comfortably slept on the floor above. My perceptions of things/people have changed and I'm okay with that. Of course i found out. another night tainted. And then there is sara, she didn't come when i needed her. I am always supposed to count on her and she left me. Maybe this is why i enjoy being alone. oh and i love the death comments i will get towards this entry. Let me address a few things. only after i saw tim all chummy with said allison schaeffer did i enjoy the company of the person karl seltzer. And i hope i get someone yelling at me for caring. i hope that someone tries to turn all my thoughts against me. That is almost why i am writing them all in here so that my thoughts are documented. mmm torn by natalie imbruglia. <3 I am almost glad i am leaving this place where everything and everyone is made out to be something that it is not so that everyone can leave and live happily ever after. Jeph showed me the illusion once. I am going where it is too cold to lie. Damn it i can't even decide what to do with my hair. I can't wait until jeph and i can start our band. i'm done with this. | |
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blueyed | 05-16-05 11:41pm
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