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| whispers (profile) wrote, on 5-22-2005 at 3:47pm | |
| Music: seether - fine again Subject: [ i'm done ] |
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| i can't take shit anymore, so i'm moving. i really am. i'm moving to florida, someday. but i'm not gonna tell anybody when.. or where. i'll have my mom give them my cell phone number once i get it, but that's it. it probably won't be for like a year or somethin, but i'm still going.. and nobody is going to know when or where at exactly. i just can't deal with people anymore. yeah, there are more people in florida, but not the people here. so i quit. yesterday was by far the worst day of my life. my dad didn't come see me like he said. that made my mind jump back to when i was in pine rest.. he said he'd send a card or something.. and never did. and then wouldn't even talk to me when i got out. then it made me think about how j didn't come see me like he said he was going to, and he's not going to. he won't tell me why, i just know he won't. and that.. hurts. a lot. so jacki's friend bruce invited me to go to this bonfire, and i didn't wanna go, but since he wanted me to.. i did. then what? he left and didn't go. so i cried some more. not because of him, but because he triggered my thoughts of when people stood me up before. and i lost it. so i started crying, and tj and jacki were the only ones that asked what was wrong, and jacki wanted me to go on a walk with her, so i did. and i told her what was wrong.. then i felt better. when i got back, tj asked if i was alright again and i said i'm fine now, i just been havin a bad day, and he said alright. that boy is so nice.. it's amazing. so, anyway.. i did end up going to that bonfire just to find out bruce wasn't even there, and i went with jacki and jill so i was there by myself. being the third wheel. cause they wouldn't talk to me. jacki did a little. but.. still. so after some shit with jill, we left and got hungry howie's pizza and ate it on jacki's car. then we went to dee's bonfire where i saw jake. he looks good. :) he gave me a hug. so nice. and um.. then jill told sam to go talk to her, so they went and talked, and me and jacki found em n shit, then kevin called jill or whatever and jill was all "jacki come here." thats the shit that annoys me. jill knew damn well i was all fuckin alone.. by myself. so yeah, she did it at dee's party which wasn't so bad cause i had sam to.. keep me laughin and stuff. then we went back to the bonfire, and i was left alone again.. for like a hour. and that's when i realized i'm not gonna do it anymore. i'm not even gonna give jill the time of day, i'm not gonna hang out with any of them at once, and i'm just.. so done with everything. so when it came time to leave, i was crying to myself again. i walked in the door, told my mom i was leaving.. went to grand rapids till 4am. i went to leaha's house. she still lives there, which is amazing. i went to her house and she's a crackhead now.. which is fine cause i did shit in her house and she aint ask no questions. i ended up texting j and tellin him about how i was gonna do some shit and he got mad.. he asked me about it this morning and get even more mad.. but its fine i guess. he reminded me that we dont have shit and we're just 'friends' anyway. which made me wanna say somethin back to him.. but i couldn't move my hand that much no more so i just said alright or.. whatever it is i said. and yea, that was it. if he's still mad at me or whatever, i'll just tell him what i was gonna say then. but anyway, yeah. so i did a lotta shit this morning till about 4.. and i woke up at my house..with my car outside. i dont know how it got out there.. or how i even got home.. but i did. and i been throwing up all day so.. yeah. that was my day/night. it was great, i want to kill myself now. real bad. but i have to go to work in about a half hour so i'll manage to live my life until i get to work where people actually talk to me. - Jejuan ps. kevin (jill's.. boyfriend.. the dude that did like me or whatever) told me by the bon fire while everyone else was gone that it's my fault he can't kiss jill infront of me, so i have to just apologize or something so he can get his when i'm around. so.. just for you jill, i'll stay away from all of you.. so kevin can do his thing.. have a great life. |
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kellilynn21 | Aw:(, 05-22-05 7:15pm I’m So, So Sorry That All This Is Happening To You. Nobody Should Have To Feel The Way That You Feel. I Really Wish I Could Help You, But I Really Have No Idea What To Say Besides, I’m Sorry. I Know I Didn’t Do Anything, But I Still Feel For You. I “KINDA” Know How You Feel But Its Probably Like- ¼ Of What You Feel.
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whispers | Re: Aw:(, 05-22-05 11:58pm thanks, i'm alright now. i went into work and talked to wendy & allison and they helped me out a whole bunch. allison's gonna take me out clubbin soon, but her schedule next week is packed so i'll wait, but that's fine. wendy said she'd be around for me too.
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jordanmackenzie7 | 05-22-05 7:59pm Jejuan... this is shitty. Idk what to say. Idk how to console you. I would love more than anything to be able to do one of those two things... I am so sorry Sweetheart. I'm here for you anytime. |
whispers | Re:, 05-22-05 11:59pm i know you love me, jordan. which makes me wanna jump off a bridge.. lol no i'm kidding. it makes me smile because i know i got someone around that'll help me out.
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breezeyluvsu | 05-25-05 1:37pm DONNNNNNNNTTTT FORGET ME JEJUAN!!
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