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| DarkSwordDancer (profile) wrote, on 5-22-2005 at 8:16pm | |
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| Yeah ,so I’m close to cracking I cant take it anymore…my little brother sat and laughed at me while I was in my room crying….and he called me insensitive…this kinda crap happens often…when I need someone to be slightly supportive they leave or mock me….i cant take I anymore…when I need to talk to someone ,its not an often thing, I need someone to be there and talk to…it tends to keep ,me together but when they leave because someone else calls or they just have to go it sucks…cause then I cry…I hate crying…with a passion…for me I s\wish it were impossible….it would make life easier…. I ve been depressed for the past few months and I don’t know why..i used to be so happy and now im not….what happened?…I don’t even find joy in some of the things that used to bring tears of happiness to my eyes……I hate being dependent upon people….it sucks…I always let them down or they let me down…or we do something stupid that affects someone else or something selfish… I ave gotten to the point were ..arg….i had all this done not minutes ago but my fucking computer of hell froze up and I could update… Colten and Raab officially piss me off….they are both boar headed morons who think of no one but themselves…. I hate life….i cant except things the way they are…and those things I can accept I don’t take action toward…something make me so pissed off that I turn red but then there are things that make my heart flutter and for a moment im so happy is scary….but I never take action toward them..i hate mayself for it… I hate cant stand to hear my name anymore….when I talk to adults they always talk about how responsible and reliable I am…..i cant even take care or control some of my emotions now…where do they get this crap from?… I feel like my heart and mind are breaking for no reason…I don’t know why…I don’t have a reason for it…or even and idea…I wish I was a phoenix right now so I coult just burn up and be reborn out of the ashes twice as wise and twice as ready for people… I cant take people who tell me their problems and all that crap and rant to me but when I need someone to do the same thing they leave…they always leave…ir cant handle it or …or just don’t care…I rarly need someone to rant and spill to but it seems when I need people like that they always are waiting for another call or someone magically calls or they just don’t want to hear it…people call me crying and I drop all im doing to help them deal…but I don’t get the same courtesy…*sigh* yes I being a bitch..if you cant deal with it then leave… So somethings have been bothering m lately…something is kinda bottled up and put away for a bit…. At xmas shayla, jessic and I were going to do a present swap. Shayla and I were going to give Jessica a present, me and jessika were going to give shayla a gift and shayla and jessika were going to get me one…well shayla and Jessica each received their gifts and guess who didn’t….yeah like that’s a new occurrence…and I didn’t say anything to them because It was the giving season and I pretended it didn’t bother me….so they kept making promises that they would get me the gift soon….and I acted like I didn’t care…so finally they are like we’ll just give you double birthday presents…so I was ok and acted like I didn’t care….so this past week they were like so are wqe going to do the xmas thing again? And I say” have fun with it cause im not doing it again” and they wondered why I didn’t want to and I told them because I didn’t want to be left out again….they promised it wouldn’t happen again but I say no…I don’t believe them…they are too thick to work together…. Rochie has been bugging me for a bit cause shes been really mean latly..and you know I know people get like that…but it’s a constant thing…and then I see her with other people and shes totally cool but then shell talk to me and she just seems to be in a bad mood again….im tired of her good cop bad cop act…it bugs me.. I like ryan a lot..he can make me laugh…its nice..but he is leaving so im drawing away from him so im not a mope when he leaves…… my mom isn’t helping ..i cant talk to anyone right now….i cant handle it….i cant even handle my family talking in the kitchen |
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goldie18 | pain & anger, 06-07-05 10:09pm you dont know me, your probably thinking wow this girl is syco, but i know EXACTLY how you feel,and id love to talk sooo IM me goldie1824 |
DarkSwordDancer | Re: pain & anger, 06-10-05 11:43pm Sure my e-mail is sweetrose2004@hotmail.com |