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| thedarkerside (profile) wrote, on 2-10-2003 at 5:03pm | |
| Current mood: discontent Music: Nora Jones-I dont know why Subject: I’m still waiting for that silver platter to come; I’ll never stop waiting. |
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| When I got home and started doing my homework everything was fine except for the continuous pounding on my head. I started to get frustrated, damn homework. All the sudden I got this thick lump in my throat. I had this feeling. This Friday is going to be Valentines Day, and I’m going to be alone. Completely alone. I don’t know why it means so much to me this year and that it didn’t last. Last year it was no big deal but why do I feel so alone now that its coming up. I know exactly what’s going to happen and Its going to be so painful to go through the day. Friday morning I’ll wake up and there will be nothing…no surprises or cards. I’ll go to school and have to watch everyone hugging each other. I’ll have to go to class only to be interrupted by student council handing out carnations. I’ll sit patiently, carnation-less. I’ll go home and still there will be nothing and my mom will come home and bitch. I don’t know why it makes me feel so terrible that I know that this is going to happen. All I want to do is be loved or be showed that I’m loved. No one has ever said that they loved me other than my friends. Not my parents, not my family. I think that I’ve gone through so much since last year..maybe that’s why I feel like I’m owed something at least. I wish I could be upfront to those I feel so close to and just be cool with everything. I wish there was someone…someone that would just spend every moment with me just reassuring me that I’m loved and that they love me as much as I love them. Perfect fairytale romance. Its never going to happen. I don’t think they know how much they mean to me. Even if they did…they would never be like the guy that was sentimental. The guy that I could just be a friend with and we were happy just being friends. We were close friends too. The kind that would laugh together, send each other emails like we were best friends. I sent him a Christmas email about a year ago telling him how much he meant to me and that our friendship meant everything. He emailed me back and said he felt the same and wished that I had the best Christmas ever. It was just so nice to have a friend like that but now he’s gone. He acts like a total ass towards me and hes just gone…none of my guy friends will ever be as caring and as sensitive has he was. It just meant a lot and I don’t think he realized that. People change….I hate it. I know I always set my self up for rejection. I just want another guy friend that will be as nice as he was, and they do. But I’m not with them. God I’m having a lack of north guys I need to start going to champion again, to at least brighten my day and have a good time or at least to see them. Enough sorrows for now. I’m speechless afraid this lump in my throat will turn into even more tears. |
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Rob | 02-10-03 10:16pm My offer still stands lol |
Amber | HELLLLO, 02-11-03 5:29pm HEy wht up chicky! nothing much here i just got ur web site journal name yay! go me well im gonna comment on some more hehe! lol well im gonna go buh bye
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lostgurlofnvrland | 02-12-03 11:15am amy! i love you so much and i can't tell you how much your friendship means to me. i've just started becoming friends with you and now i realize that you're not as simple as i thought. you're very complex and now i'm determined to find out just how complex you are by becoming even better friends with you and WAVING AT YOU FROM ACROSS THE STREET!! i'll be praying for you, i hope you find that special someone and if you can't find him any time soon, i'll be here. i'm here for you so any time you wanna get together or just talk call or come over. my number is 866-8994 if u didn't know. i'm here and willing to help you, to become an even better friend than we are so far. i love you amy and i don't wanna lose your friendship over something like this. a guy shouldn't say he loves you and blah blah blah unless he means it and if he told you that and now he's gone he's not that special...you may still be friends with him but best friends don't leave. i will not leave. call me sometime...:) |
thedarkerside | Re:, 02-12-03 6:14pm Thank you krystal. I am glad that we have been hanging out more. Heyyy mayberry you want some frosted flakes..well too baddd! wait come back...you want some..well too bad your a kitty! nicee ugly kitty lol. that was pretty funny. thank you thank you thank you! Yes we must talk one of these days. No one not even the best of my friends really understands anything and/or they dont act like they wanna know. Thank you for your curiosity. We need to chat soon. I will spill everything that is on my mind. |