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runningfreak (profile) wrote,
on 7-16-2005 at 1:44am
Current mood: pissed off and emotionally distressed
Subject: Everythings So Fucking Fucked Up....

I don't know what about this day made it suck. I guess the fact that I didn't move fast enough. I should of had the fish tank clean, part of the sheeps pen done and the house work done all before I went to work. But instead alls I got was my car and the barn. How pathetic. I thought going to work would be better but it only made things worse. Katie is being a jerk whether she realizes it or not. I told her not to piss me off and she went ahead and did it anyway. Katie you know I don't do shit like that to you so why do you do it to me?! I bend over backwards for you and you don't even give a shit. That is so fucking typical. What ever happened to the "balance"? Ever since I got my lisence I mean absolutely nothing. You don't want to hang out or do anything together anymore. It all about Ryan. It always has been. Maybe I am acting irrationally but you have pushed me to the limit. I do everything I can to take care of your fucking horse and I never hear a thank you . Sure when I was the one cleaning out her cut and making her hooves look decent then I recieved a little bit of praise but other than that its nothing. I gave you the best deal you have out there on her and I am getting the raw end of the deal. I hate when people take advantage of my big heart. I guess I haveto learn to be a little bit more cold hearted for you to understand what it feels like to be used. You just threw sarcastic comments in my face the entire time you were there. Only intersted in something if it concerns you. Ya don't really want to listen to me bitch about my problems unless it is something juicy about what going on or if Andrew said something to me about you or some fucked up shit like that. I bend over backwards for you Katie and I have had enough. Why don't you for once bend over backwards for me? Why don't you twist your schedule around so you can spend time with me? I sure as hell have done that for you and you sure as hell do that for Ryan. You just don't get it. Walk in my shoes for a day and then you will understand why I am the way I am and why I hate telling you stuff because you act like you don't care. Just once I want you to appriciate what I do for you. Just once.

After she left Cory told me it was his last day cause he is moving to the Cascade store. It made me kinda sad but he gave me a big hug at the end of the night which made me feel better than I had all night. Besides that hug I guess the highlight of my day was when Mitch slipped me his number while holding up the line. That sounds crazy but it made things seem better for a while.

There is nobody to fucking talk to anymore. Alls I wanted to do was to do chores and go to bed. Instead I get down to the barn and the goats are out and my cd player is on the floor and my favorite CD is knocked out of it and has scratches from the fucking goats. I just broke down and cryed. I don't have a single soul to call at midnight and cry to. I wish I did because it was really hard trying to pull myself back together. I just can't do this anymore. I want to talk to somebody without having the feeling like they don't care and just about all of my friends make me feel that way except for Cory, Rachel, and strangely enough Andrew. I need somebody to talk to but there is nobody around.
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liz

07-16-05 9:46am

450-3434
thats my cell, its always on, midnight or not, you can call whenever you want to.
btw, what cd was it?

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runningfreak

Re:, 07-17-05 11:43pm

International Superhits by Green Day

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midget18

07-16-05 11:10am

You know I'm always here for you, Bigs.

835.5812

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skife

07-16-05 8:38pm

i think you have my number, if not its at work.
or its 835-2734 ask for me :D
HA!

not like you'd get anyone else anyways, maybe my voice mail if i'm working on my car.

sorry i'm not much help to you at all, The way katie does that to you is bullshit though but i guess i sort of do that to beth, i'll take time off for my car and not her.

i'm weird like that though.

i hope your night at work gets better
sweet dreams.

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Morning-View

07-17-05 3:57pm

ok

1. Sorry if I've been a jerk.

2. You say I don't do shit for you. Who let you use their car, took the time, paid for the gas, just so you could drive around illigaly to help you get your license. On top of that who got you your job. I'm pretty sure you would never of gone up there and applied if I had never suggested it.

3. When's the last time you said, " hey Katie lets do this" or " Katie you want to hang out". I'm the one who always approches you about that crap.

4. I have thanked you for everything. Sometimes I don't think about it because i'm paying you monthly. You make pretty much all the profites off than.
I specifically remember saying thank you when duff came out last time and he was talking about her hooves.

5.You are just as sarcastice as I

6. Ever since you got your license, everytime I've tried to get a hold of you, you aren't home. So what the hell am I suppose to do.

7. I always lisen to whatever you say. No matter the problem or if it's about something stupid. I've always been there for you. I'm the one who would drop everything to come pick you up and take you away from the problems. You know what I'm talking about.

8. Don't even think about calling Mitch's number, I'm not the only one who will back that up.

Bottom line, I'm leaving in three months.
So you won't have to put up with my unappreciative ass for much longer.

I'm sorry I'm so horrible and a burden to you.

I know we hung out today and everything was fine. This is just the way I see it. It really bugs me that you couldn't talk to me about it. You have to come on here because you don't want to say it too my face.

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