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| caity_024 (profile) wrote, on 8-24-2005 at 11:56pm | |
| I leave in a few minutess, but i wanted to write anyway. I talked to ben about the partying/drinking thing and i feel SOO much better about the whole thing. He said i can drink if i want to and i can go to the parties......which in my mind gives me alot more reason not to. :-\ Before i felt almost like he was putting me on a leash...which was why i was going to nmu in the first place...to get off every leash i've been on my whole life. But by him telling me it was ok (just that if i messed up, no chances, it was over), i won't feel 'naughty' for going out to a party, and if i'm out with a few girls at a fun party, i can have a beer (and that's the limit i'm giving myself...) without having to freak about it. I don't know...it made me feel like he trusts me enough to go out on my own, so now i don't feel as much of a need to....it's kinda stupid, but now i'm happy. I don't feel the NEED to drink or party....i don't really know how else to explain it. But by trusting me to make my own decisions, ben pretty much gained every ounce of my trust and love i could give. :-) However, it was hard to say goodbye.......which i won't go into because i'm determined NOT to cry like a little girl... :-\ I'll miss him this next 6 weeks and i CAN'T WAIT till i can see him again....but i think it will all be good, as long as we act like adults and just love each other and communicate. Alright, well my mom is getting ready so i'm gonna go. Wish me luck...! |
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xSwtLilAngel666x | 08-26-05 4:05am Good luck. =) |