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| Namu (profile) wrote, on 8-27-2005 at 9:05pm | |
| Well the cold hand of reality decided to visit me a few times today. I'm so stressed and sad right now. My stomach is sick, my head is full, my heart grows heavy with every moment of time. I don't want to be here. I'm all alone here...I'm even scared...I reach out to hug her and am only embraced by the emptiness of the air. The songs I listen to accurately depict my feelings of sadness and jealousy. It's not ok. I don't know how "ok" it's going to be. I hear and feel the pain that others put forth of their loneliness, but I believe it is only a fraction of what I'm having to endure. Why do others ask this of me? Do they really believe I am that strong? To sacrifice most everything and change my entire universe? I don't know if I can even accept that. I don't know if I am that strong...It hurts, my heart moans and I have to stop breathing and listening to everything in order to keep my composure and not fall apart. That solitude time alone leaves me with only the thoughts and memories my head produces. The harder I try to hold the tears back, the harder they want to fall, until I feel a stream of wetness fall down my cheek. I have to keep my chin up and not let this happen around others, and only do it in the privacy of my car where there is no one else but me. When it starts, I can't even talk, not one word, or I will crumble into a thousand pieces. Why must I be here? Why must I let this go on? I could solve everything by driving away and never coming back...no...I could convince everybody to move here...no... I guess this is just the price I pay for being able to love. I am paying my respects and dues before I am able to be permitted to live my universe, my dream...I am all alone now... "The greates thing in life, is ability to love" |
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lillypad | 08-28-05 12:33am I'm so sorry...I love you....College is supposed to be hard...HELL...the first few weeks...It'll get better. |