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| rayray (profile) wrote, on 9-15-2005 at 8:00am | |
| I'd like to explain everything right now. But I can't. I'm not strong enough. I completely lost it, trying to explain to my mom what was wrong. I'm not strong enough to get through this on my own. So he's helping me. Probably not the best of ideas, considering he's part of the reason I'm hurting. I cried from about 7:30-9:30 last night as well. I had tears in my eyes until my lunch at work. He knows the pain I feel. I don't have to tell him. He can see it. He wants to help. I talked with him on my lunch. And on my last break. By my last break I was so drained. My body was shutting down. I looked so sad and weak. I am. When my break was over, I said "Well have fun, I am going to go die from all this pain" and just walked off. I didn't mean it literally. He came running over to my press, which was at the other end of the factory and goes "think of how shitty and sad and depressed and worthless you would feel if your mom were to tell you that jim was your real dad... because thats how I felt when you said you were going to go die from all the pain." and left with tears in his eyes. And of course I started crying. Thankfully he came over on his break. And he's going to call me today so we can talk somemore. He told me that when he comes to work sunday night he expects lots of pictures of bunnies, dogs and rainbows. (long story). I made a huge mistake telling him that I didn't want to hear him tell me that he loves me. Its why I keep crying. This weekend the only time I am leaving my room is to go to Justy's open house. | |
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liz | 09-15-05 3:59pm *hugs* |
rayray | Re:, 09-15-05 5:53pm Thank you. |