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| TaoMan1121 (profile) wrote, on 2-14-2003 at 10:58am | |
| Current mood: confused Music: Sarah McLachlan - Aida Subject: because we are born innocent, and believe me, aida, we are still... |
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| Everything I touch turns to shit. Melodramatic in every sense of the word, but I could honestly care less. I don't want to become apathetic, I fear that the most, shutting off from the world just because I'm stressed. And I won't do that, but I want to, and I accept that and move on. I'm making such elementary mistakes in my life right now, I want to smack myself across the head and go "We've come this far and this long for you to do this?" Pretty soon, my mistakes are going to catch up to me and people are going to start calling me on it. And I completely deserve it. What can I change? Can I change? Are their certain aspects of me that are steadfast and immovable as time itself? I fight that with every fiber of my being, but in the end, I have my reservations. But then I remember, I did change once in my life, a huge life altering change that shaped who I am today. But it didn't happen overnight. "Rome wasn't built in a day." And I'm playing exactly into my typical response to the situation. I don't know what's right anymore. The worst thing that came out of last year is to see that I had the potential to hurt the one I love, and that, more than anything, scares the living hell out of me. Already, as I proofread the first sentence, I realize its absurbity, and for me, that's coming a long way, being able to gain a modicum of objectiveness on the situation(s) simply by venting. But just like everything else, the feeling never lasts, and I wonder when the car will proceed into the next dip. "Please keep your hands inside the car at all times and your feet planted firmly on the ground." I wonder if their is any correlation between my analogy of life as a roller coaster and my immense psychological fear of roller coasters. I'm feeling veklempt, talk amongst yourselves... |
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TaoMan1121 | 02-14-03 11:19am Wow Jason, that's very deep and introspective of you. You have some very good points there. I hope you have a better day. :-) |
TaoMan1121 | 02-14-03 11:21am You're so full of it. Jason. You know you are bound to make the same mistakes over and over again, because no one ever learns. History repeats itself, so give into fate, give into yourself, and just give up. |
Leeder5421 | 02-14-03 4:43pm I still love ya buddy:) |