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| liz (profile) wrote, on 10-16-2005 at 11:23pm | |
| Im tired and hungover and stupid, this is all the last thing that i need, but then again i did it to myself right? I mean god imagine changing and feeling shitty about being lied and wanting to make sure that things work out right in the long run. i cant believe that. and at the same time i cant because its too damn hard everytime i get somewhere and draw some conclusions you are there talking or you left some post that just fucks me up more than anything in the world. I fucking hate myself and im beginning to not like you so much either. im sorry to say that, even sorrier that its true. i dont know why you love me so much, im not that great. i made you give up yoru best friend and im a bitch adn i hurt you. what the fuck do you want with me. for the first time in my entire life i really wish that i was dead. honestly i dont feel like I have anything left to live for. im crying all the time. and you all see is this front, and im struggling and dying, and trying to make some sense out of it all and all I get all the time is criticism because for the first time in a long time i did something for myself. something that i felt i had to do. You want to know why, because things were shitty, I didnt trust you, yeha ray, he came along, he called me sweetheart and before things went too far i told you that it was over because i knew that i was falling hard and fast. maybe your right, maybe i did leave for something better. i dont look at it that way, but go ahead if that is what helps you sleep at night then go right on and believe it. but to me it was something different and maybe the relationship would be better, mabye i wont get lied to. or maybe ill see someone new and realize that you and I are meant to be toghether. who fucking knows right? this last week has been a constant struggle of you and him, i wanted to go back to you I really did, your comfortable and I love you and I probably always will, and i was really close god knows i was, but you kept pushing, and your still pushing, and the more you push the worse i feel and the less i want that back. because what is it going to amount to, your pleading and wondering and pressing and me being suffocated. |
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pjlmaster | 10-17-05 12:49am remember...you promised!! and so did i, dont think im not gonna hold you to it |
pjlmaster | Re:, 10-17-05 12:50am and please tell me if im ever pushing, i dont realize it when i am |