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| brutisimo (profile) wrote, on 11-29-2005 at 8:54am | |
| I just wrote a huge entry then accidentally erased it DAMN!!! Instead of leaving it be though, i think i will waste some more time by rewriting it... i think my obsession with one tree hill is hindering my performance as a human being I called into work today because i am a procastinator whos sucky time management skills have made her fall behind in all her classes and have a paper due yesterday that was not ready. I also jus realized yesterday that exams are next week...shit! which leads me to my point about one tree hill...i got up at 6 and took a shower then planned on finishing my paper so i could go to work at 1230...instead i watched One tree hill for an hour and looked shit up online for another, before getting in the shower and realizing that i am a lost cuase and need more time. I suck at life! people on OTH have a lot of sex usually... I was having a conversation with my davis boys and they apparently thought that i was slut. they did not believe that i have never had sex. derek and katie didnt believe it either. i think that a lot of it has to do woth the fact that so many people DO have sex and a lot of it, but i dot knwo why ryan wouldnt believe me...i mean he knows me better than i know myself most of the time, so he should know just cuz i drink a lot doesnt mean am gonna have sex a lot, or let myself get taken adveantage of...i just dont know why going a virgin makes people see me differently...i am the same person, they dont need to be proud of me or admire me just because the proper circumstance hasnt arisen. I am not innocent or moral really, i just dont want my first time to be with a random, or when i am wasted...i dont care if other people have had sex...not a huge interest to me unless i am dating you and/or want to have sex with you...other than that it is not the big deal to me that it is to some. it is now 1147 am...i minimized the update window and got distracted by shit online...once again i must reinterate: i suck at life. anyway, th other night ryan also called me his best friend. he refrains from this usually, i think it is because it hurts mackenzies feelings...but i dont think it should...i mean what they have is sooo much more than best friends...it has been like 8 years now...if he is not hers now, he will never be. ANyway, it was great that he said it because lately i have been feeling like we dont have much of a realtionship anymore. We never really talk like we used to and we are always doing stupicd shallow things like watch tv/ movies or play video games. It was nice to talk to him again and it was nice to know that inside he still considers me his best friend. I think i realized why i like brad so much too...he is a lot like me. He is the most like me out of all the boys...we were talking the other night and for some reason we just click, it is easy to talk to him because i know he is not judging me...that is the only ting about ryan,i fell like he doesnt approve of me sometimes, but i dont know why i feel like i need his approval either...'no one can make you fell inferior w/o your consent" i guess... Anyway, i guess i should work on this paper for real now... |
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Fanelia | 11-29-05 12:49pm I like what you said about being a virgin. I felt much the same way throughout my whole life. I used to believe that I did it for religious reasons, but the truth of it is I was just waiting for the right person. It doesn't seem so bad... or slutty I guess... when it's with someone you truly care about.
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TaoMan1121 | 11-29-05 3:57pm How are you still in college? |
michellestar | 11-29-05 4:51pm ALI;;A! Your writing hurts my head but I like when you're on woohu. :)
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TaoMan1121 | Re:, 11-29-05 6:28pm Ow. |
brutisimo | Re:, 11-30-05 12:02am i love you!!! |
mbenznut | 11-29-05 6:37pm Nice icon. |
brutisimo | Re:, 11-30-05 12:02am thanks |