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mle (profile) wrote,
on 5-6-2002 at 12:54am
Current mood: dazed and depressed
Music: dixie chicks - you were mine (quite possibly one of the most depressing songs..)
Subject: shit
"fuck, fuckity fuck fuck fuck" (cartman - south park)... i think ive been caught... i will seriously shit my pants and shoot myself if i have...

i dont want to go to bed. im not an insomniac, i just dont want to have to wake up tomorrow morning. i dont want to have to live my life. i just want to sit here, numb till im paralized. im deteriorating every day. i cant beleive i can feel this way.

i just wrote a poem for class. i have to share tomorrow, but i hope i dont have to explain everything: some things are super-personal that could get me in big trouble w/ school.
(read the starting letters of each line to help you follow along)

Short-Term Memory

start of it all:
increasing perfection,
xenophobia nonexistent.
the pure bliss of it all:
happiness, confidence, satisfaction

so simplistic
except our longing for drama,
viciously climbing to the top.
everyone began the assuming,
never bothering to ask.
the truth was revealed to me, him:
happiness slipping away

for the middle year
resting between oblivion and obsession-
enchanted by a lingering naivety
shattered by a swelling scar.
hidden within, i staged a show,
manifesting an intangible dream.
acid slowly corroding myself,
never blinded by the rising sun

sincerity, honesty
only pushed them away.
practicing my own religion,
hoping for a savior,
only i knew the depths of my creed.
my foolishness exposed:
of course, i was hurt again,
ready to see some red, because
everything has changed.

mle
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drunkslut

05-06-02 8:32pm

i really liked that poem! that was really good! i think its awesome that you have such a good outlet now! i know its kinda work cuz you have to do it, but i think its good for you! its so open ended though! i dont know what to infer from it! one question~what do you mean by everything in "everything has changed" ?

(reply to this)
mle

Re:, 05-06-02 9:40pm

lol exactly that-- everything has changed!
mark knows what im talking about -- the reason we got rocky and broke up. i changed. im completely different now that ive grown up (since 6th grade). and its not a good different. and because im different, everything around me is different. all negative

mle

(reply to comment)

spud

05-06-02 10:34pm

wow. kick ass poem. it's deep, honest, and it has a point. good rythm too. kinda depressing, if you think about it, but honest. emotions aren't always true to reality, though, are they?

(reply to this)