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| coot1120 (profile) wrote, on 1-30-2006 at 12:45am | |
| Current mood: sad Subject: this is my revelation |
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| Ok, so I just talked to Jason, I know, after I just posted about how I didn't, but I was really upset and if you knew what it was about, I am pretty sure you would understand. Anyway, my biggest motivation for not talking to him has been that I want him to miss me and then realize what he had lost and then want me back. As I was talking to him, I realized that is never going to happen. He would never admit that to me, because it would mean he was wrong. And I wouldn't want him back unless he changed, and that isn't going to happen either. And if he does change, it will take a while and I won't wait for it. We talked for almost an hour, and I don't feel upset, and I am glad I talked to him. It hurts that I realized that it isn't going to happen, but I think in the back of my mind I always knew that. We talked as friends, as if we were best friends, and we joked, and made fun of eachother, and I even called him "friend" and I am ok with that. I also told him about some of the insecurities I have about dating and he told some of his too. At the end we didn't say I love you....it was weird, I wanted to but I didn't....I think we are done saying that. Now that I am thinking about it more, I am getting upset because I am finally realizing that we are over. It's the end of an era....and I knew it was coming for a long time....but it is still upsetting. I know some of my friends might not agree that and think that I shouldn't have called him. But I am glad I did. I know we are over now, and now I can start my life again. I felt like I was on hold, like I was waiting for an ok or something, and i feel like I got it. Of course it is going to hurt when he tells me that he kissed a girl, or is seeing someone, but it'll be ok, because we are over. And this past week showed me that I don't need him like I use to, and while I did miss him, I could live without him. I know now that I won't dread him calling me, because I'll be ok. I made it through the worst part and I think I did a damn good job. Night |
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TaoMan1121 | 01-30-06 10:07am Your "revealations" about Jason in the first paragraph are completely on target. And if it took that phone call to be able to realize these things, then I deem your phone call a success.
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Leeder5421 | 01-30-06 7:23pm I'm sorry to hear that Ricci, I didn't know all that was going on. To be perfectly honest with you, I've suspected for a while that Jason is my friend, he really needs to change, right now he's not really doing anything with himself. I thought for a long time that you had outgrown him, so I can understand that this was probably going to happen one day, but still sorry that it did. |
michellestar | 01-30-06 9:34pm I'm never too far away if you need me. And just so you know, no one thinks bad of you if you do call him, we just want you to be happy. |
brutisimo | Re:, 01-31-06 12:29am i concur with all of the above. I dont care if you call him as long as the call doesnt have detrimental effects. Since it was helpful...YAY! |