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| spud (profile) wrote, on 2-5-2006 at 12:17pm | |
| Current mood: chill Music: incubus - morning view Subject: this is mostly for my benefit... don't expect it to make sense. |
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i hope this isn't out of line or anything. but it helps me to get things in perspective. "right now is such i wierd time... i really think this weekend was a digression or soemthing back to something. it will probably take a while to get beck to where i was which i think is a bad thing. hmmm... i hate to think i am the type of person who needs a seginificant other to be happy but i am begining to think i am. i just need there to be someone who i know is there and will be there for me. but then agian. that might just be what i think i need and not actually what i need at all, and when i get it i might still be depressed and that would suck alot too, i just need to find someway to be happy because all of my efforts as of late are not working all that well. ... maybe some boys do want me to be more then their object they can use when it suits them. ... you know it is nice to have a reason to smile everyday... i just have to hope that i don't get crushed ... he says he really wants to get to know me, doesn't want to start anything physical before he gets to know me more. he doesn't just want me as an object, that is refreshing and new, wonderful. hesitant. too good to be true he came over last night at like 8 and took me away from my homework, and we basically hung out untill 2 this afternoon ... i have a poor pathetic habit of writing everything i am feeling in these blog things and not really telling people what i think/feel which i think might someday be important that is why i have so many knots in my back it's because i hold everything in and let no emotions out i should work on that i should get better at that i should i should i might i might not ... i should use some sort of name to decifer between the he's that i talk about. instead of just assuming i will remember which boy is on my mind at any one point in time, becauswe it is so rare that it is always the same one. ... i'm happy. happy in a way that i haven't been in more then a year. chew on that one for a while. ... i'm not even sure what i want to say.. just wow. this is good. this makes me happy. he seems to be everything i look for... why do feel like i am waiting for somethign to go wrong. because it always does silly shannon get those thoughts out of your head. this is a good thing." *********************************** okay, so... i don't really have much to say. i mean, i have a lot that i'm thinking about... but no real thoughts to articulate at this point. merely idle musings. but still, they won't be idle forever... |
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tuwang | 02-05-06 1:54pm OMG that makes no sense!! |
spud | Go fuck a goat!, 02-05-06 3:11pm
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