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godessalthena (profile) wrote,
on 3-5-2006 at 7:14am
i hate how they want me to talk about it... i hate how i think i might have a mental disease... i don't think my mind is healthy. i have a problem, but i don't want help. maybe it will kill me.

but it becomes more apparent every day. it is becoming incredibly pronounced in my own mind. but i don't know what it is... because it isn't what 'depression' is. it isn't exactly panic attacks... it's hardcore mood swings... like i have two personalities, but it isn't schizophrenia. i don't know what it could be...

maybe it's just bein a teenager who sucks at a lot of things, but is okay at other things...

maybe it's just all this guilt i have because the things i do/have done are unjustifiable so it is eating away at me.

or maybe it's just all of the backstreet boys i've been listening to lately. i suck.

i don't know how i'll make it when i'm by myself in seattle. if i ever get accepted. i don't know what will happen if i don't...

'when you love somebody... but it goes to waste...'

love,
amelia
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rorin

03-05-06 4:24pm

1. You're not sick.
2. The Backstreet Boys rock my fuckin' socks.
3. There's still an option here to talk (if you want to...doesn't really seem like it).
4. If you feel like you are sick, why don't you ask a professional? Call a psychiatrist/councelor/sociologist/doctor/someone that will help you and actually knows what they're talking about.

I want to know what's going on in your mind. You've gotten over Jeremiah, that much is clear. Yes, you have some flaws, like the flirting and self worth thing, but I have flaws as well. I'm stubborn and bitchy and a drama queen and everyone knows it. But if your simple flaws drive people away, maybe they weren't ment to be your friends in the first place. If they can't get over a few stupid, insignificant problems you might have with yourself or other people, you should find someone better. You really are a great person, Amelia. Your true friends see that. You know how to have fun, laugh, and love. You're not a monster. People sometimes say things they don't mean when they're angry... (I've whitnessed that first hand way more than a couple times -.-").

If you don't get into the (was it?~) University of Washington, it's not the end of the world. Maybe you can go to Eastern with me (if I ever get accepted XPPP) or maybe you can go down to California with Brookelynn. Who knows where your future can take you? You will meet tons of people at college... you'll grow very close to them. Your parents met eachother in college, didn't they? Mine did! Don't sell yourself short by looking at what you don't have. Look at all the possibilities that are waiting for you. Maybe you can go backpacking through Europe (like Eric Mathews...was going to ^^) or go to Japan and have sexy boys swoon over how hawt, pale, and American you are. There are millions of opportunities waiting for a smart girl like you.

Dear... would you like me to bake you some more cookies? Made with love? (my specialty) ^____^ Anytime you want to talk or just hang out, I'm there, here and anywhere for you.

<3

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lillypad

Re:, 03-05-06 11:41pm

jesus christ, you're cool, lauren.
wish i could have found a way to put that all in words as well as you...<3<3<3

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