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.j.e.s.s. (profile) wrote,
on 3-6-2006 at 11:19am
Seriously how bad can our luck be.

So there is so much going on and ugh this.... almost this whole year has just been bad. and this specific year- 2006 has definetely been bad.

My mom won't throw me an open house because I'm moving out. Yeah okay. She's like embarrassed by me and my decisions I'm guessing because she said she doesn't want me to tell people I'm moving in with Roman. I want to be with Roman and really close to him so I can see him within 5 minutes if I want to, but that doesn't mean I'd have to live with him. I would live with friends and really close to him if I could. But I can't. I can't afford that and neither can my friends and I. And... he lives in Jackson so I have to be down there and my friends aren't down there and I am not living with my parents. So yeah , i'm moving in with roman, but not just so that i can be living with him. I'm moving in with him so I don't have to live at home and so that I can be near him. I'm gonna go to one of the 3 cosmetology schools I have picked out.

My mom and I are going to visit the schools hopefully this Saturday. Stef has graciously agreed to me spending the night at her apartment in K-zoo.*thank you again stef* So that is like, exactly halfway between Cedar and Parma(Jackson) so if I spend the night there Saturday night, I can still see Roman after our college visits and spend his birthday and our anniversary together and possibly Sunday.... but he has to work so probably not. And yeah my mom won't let me spend the night with him even though i'll be LIVING with him in 2 months. Does that make any sense... but whatever.

Wednesday is my 18th birthday and Roman was supposed to come up, pick me up from school. We were going to see Brokeback Mt. and then go to Coldstone because i've never had ice cream there. And then we were going to go to Margarita Grille. I thought it would be so fun. For my 18th birthday woo.

BUT GUESS WHAT

big shocker right? He has no car ever since the Taurus' transmission went out, and the truck that the brake line broke got fixed on one side but they are going to fix the other side too so it doesn't happen to that side as well or blah blah whatever car stuff that i dont really understand and his sister probably won't let him take the van so HOORAY no transportation.

He wants to get a car and we want it so bad, but he doesn't have the money right now for a down payment and he doesn't really have anyone who will co-sign. So there are like, no options. He's going to see he how much he needs for the bank to give him a loan but other than that there are no real options so it just sucks so much.

Like seriously. i never want to hear anyone complain about their boyfriends. I mean, obviously if they are going through a break up then yeah, they have it worse. but i can't even see my boyfriend on my 18th birthday which comes once in a lifetime. Seriously if he doesn't come , then i will be doing absolutely nothing on my birthdya. just sitting at home. how much does that suck. Seriously and it's like well i can't get mad at roman. its not his fault. he's been doing all he can. and all he can do right now is work. and he's working 36 hrs a week, he can't be full time just yet but he will be and he works all the time so i what more can i ask from him? for him to grow wings and fly here?!

Oh and one more thing. Can you believe I actually came up with this idea and these words actually came out of my mouth? I suggested us not seeing each other for a whole MONTH so that he can save up for a car . It costs near 50 bucks to fill up that trucks gas tank so by not seeing me for a whole month he could save like a grand and make a down payment for a car. UGHGLAKJSLKF i dont even know. it might happen. how much does that suck.
You know, there's just nothing we can do.

I hate this so much.

And it's like what am I supposed to do, there's nothing to fix it. my parents wont let me drive down there.

theres nothing i can do.

seriously i just hate everything right now.
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stinko

03-06-06 3:40pm

maybe you just caught me in an emotional moment, but i seriously almost started crying while i read that.
it's just that i know what it's like to have your parents gripping so tightly and your boyfriend far away.
no freedom
no money
no escape
that was my life too. but it passes. things get better. you get older, you get money (well, kind of), and your parents can only destroy your life for so long before they get bored.
but in the meantime i don't really know what to tell you. i just started sneaking out. of course i got caught a couple of times but eventually i got better at it and now my parents are finally letting me do things like stay at robby's house and it is completely blowing my mind. i don't know. i know your situation is completely different than mine, but i just hope things work out soon.

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.j.e.s.s.

Re:, 03-06-06 7:17pm

aw jessica, thank you so much. it means so much that you said that let alone that you even read the whole thing...

Yeah, i know it's only like 2 more months of this crap... but 2 months can feel like forever sometimes. It's just like seriously sometimes you just feel liek poor me, I can't even see my boyfriend on my birthday which might sound kind of selfish because there are worse things but most people get to see their boyfriends on their birthdays you know...

and yeah, sneaking out.. been there, done that. That was this summer. I had this great room in the basement and i got in big trouble and now i have my little brothers tiny room. So it sucks. so my rooms right by my parents because of that .and i'm not doing that any more and there wouldn't be anyway really since he lives 2 hours away haha.

yeah they kind of let me do more now... which sounds kind of weird because they really dont let me do anything. but i guess it's more than it used to be.

it just sucks so much when like all your friends can do pretty much whatever they want and especially when i'll be living with him in like 2 months it's like why i can't i just stay with him you know..

ugh , yeah. but thanks.

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