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 | godessalthena (profile) wrote,
on 4-19-2006 at 6:31am |
Current mood: disappointed
Music: Armor for Sleep - Basement Ghost Singing
Subject: i hope you know i'm down here...
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just for you.
i don't really know what to say, either.
and when you said you wanted to talk things out and i said okay, you just stopped talking. wtp?
i'm finding it hard to be happy around you. i feel like either you're keeping things from me because the way you feel about him seems very radical for just a "feeling" you get from him. and that you pretend more than you're just "curteous."
and a part of this might just be that you're moving soon, like last year. i just don't know.
i just really don't know anymore...
i feel like the frech revolution and this is the monarchy.
'how many times do i have to tell you..? you're beautiful...'
love,
amelia |
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lillypad | 04-19-06 6:38pm i heard "i don't care", not "okay".
i don't feel happy around you either. i'm sick of being the bad guy. you made me the bad guy recently because you were sick f being the bad guy...honestly, i don't think there ever was a bad guy until you pointed out that i suck.
yeah i am keeping things from you. i'm keeping that all of his friends say all he cares about is sex and that's the only reason he wants you. i don't fully believe that, since he dated kelly, but there must be some truth to it at least, if they ALL say it and they've known him for years.
and he's insane. he wanted to shoot a live hamster out of his cannon...
and why should i care about him if he doesn't care about me?
and why is this all a big deal...is he that important to you after one month that you're going to hate me for not liking him? why can't i just be nice to him and leave it at that? you don't have to like someone to be nice to them...it's NOT pretending.
i'm sick of being unhappy. that's not what friendship is about.
i'm sick of trying to fix it, cause i did and it's like you slapped me in the face.
i was trying to be respectful of you and your decision, and nice. i was trying to learn to like him enough to enjoy being around him so that YOU would be happy. sacrificing my own feelings for you. and you just turn that into me being a horrible fucking person.
and if you can't trust me and you can't forgive me for the one time i tried to make you happy by relieving you of your misery by leaving you alone, i don't know what to say.
i am sick of always screwing up in your eyes. i am sick of you not being able to accept me the way i am. i'm sick of always fearing that you'll be mad at me, or you'll go home and update one of your journals about what a horrible life you have because of me. i'm so sick of always being the bad guy. i don't think i've done anything wrong. i honestly don't. i do whatever you tell me to. i tell you everything like you expect (oh, but wait, i waited one day too long, so now it's 'keeping things from you'??), i am not a bad person. quit making me feel like one.
there's my honesty. i didn't ever say it cause i didn't want to hurt you even more, but i figure if you get to tell me what a horrible person i am all the time, i might actually do it to you once. you make me feel like dying. i'm not sorry.
and i hate drama. i am not going to fight with you.
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