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| upchuck (profile) wrote, on 5-4-2006 at 12:29am | |
| Current mood: tired Music: "Ballad of Curtis Lowe" - Lynyrd Skynyrd Subject: Being tired |
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| I don't know what it is anymore. This week I have ben so extremely tired. It may be recovering from Saturday night still, but I doubt it. It was nice to let loose on Saturday night. It had been awhile. It's nice to go out, have some fun with some friends and not have to worry about anything. To know that everything is going to be taken care of and what tomorrow brings will just have to wait. That's part of what I feel that I will miss this summer that I had last summer. I discovered a different part of me last summer. The part that was mulled in a three month stretch of depression, but also someone who would show his pain, and wasn't afraid to act out. Someone who didn't have to be absolutely perfect all the time. I guess that's the way I feel now. That I have to be perfect all the time. I didn't last summer. I didn't have all these concerns that I have now. All I had to worry about was trying to keep my mind off of what was giong on with Kim, what time I was playing that weekend, and making it to softball practice on time. I had class too, but it wasn't until after much of the summer had passed. Now, I feel like I have to be perfect, and that is going to lead to the inevitable crash that I experience because I don't feel like I'm doing anything good enough. I've gotten much better about those times. They happen every so often and Ijust feel like it's coming. It's going to be one of those days that I just breakdown, cry myself to sleep, and then feel better afterwards. But the it just feels like the balance isn't there anymore. I had to miss a softball game today, for the first time in two years. I'm having serious doubts about my ability to go back to school after taking a semester off. Last summer, school was such a big part of redifining who I was. It was something that I drew confidence from. I hope it is now too. I just worry aobut it because there are other things I have to support me now. I guess I'll figure it all out and ina few days it won't be confusing anymore. I just wish it didn't have to be confusing in the first place. P.s. I heard a rumor about a certain ex-girlfriend of mind trying out at a certain place's amateur night. Not sure if it's entirely true, but I definitely wouldn't doubt it. |
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jessa_lynne | 05-20-06 10:15pm i'll try out your amateur night.
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