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| chelthesmell (profile) wrote, on 6-29-2006 at 4:27pm | |
| Subject: I've been thinking... |
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I've been losing friends left and right. Every move I make could cost me a friendship. I had started watching what I was doing/saying so I wouldn't hurt anybody or offend anyone. I didn't want anyone mad at me and I didn't want any conflict or drama to go on... Half of the people I used to talk to everyday dont even want anything to do with me anymore. For example:: a bunch of my friends are all going to Lake Michigan on Saturday. I didn't find out until Ashley asked if I was going. No one invited me, no one was going to invite me... Yet no matter how hard I tried to keep everyone happy, things just manage to blow up in my face. I get fucked over everytime I try to keep something going. It's stupid... I'm done with being polite and trying to make people like me. This is who I am:: I drink, I dont have a problem or anything, I just drink. And I dont party with complete strangers, I have fun with friends that I know will take care of me and make sure nothing bad happens to me. I'm selfish. I like money. After being so unhappy with my parents being in dept most of my life and always wishing to be someone else because of what they have, I do believe that money buys happiness no matter what anyone says. I hold grudges easily and for a long time. It takes so long for me to get over something even if it's just a little thing and I know that it will all be cleared up in no time, there's still something inside of me that is pissed and wont let it go. I have a problem with opening up to people. I dont cry in front of people. I dont like letting everyone know I have a weakness. I dont like people pittying me. It makes me feel stupid and I dont like that feeling too much. I'm judgemental but I hate being judged. I have terrible grammar when it comes to typing things online. I really dont care. I'm a procrastinator. I like things to go my way and no other way. I get pissed when my plans get ruined. I'm messy. I hate cleaning. I dont care what people think of me. I used to but things are starting to change. You either love me or you hate me, there is really no inbetween. Mindy and Ashley are my 2 best friends in the whole wide world. And I have a piece of shit car, but atleast it has a speeddometor now. So this is who I am. If you dont like it, then oh well. I can make new friends just as fast as I can get read of them. I hate saying goodbye. But if people dont like who I am, than I suppose it is time. I'm not going to say I dont need anybody, I'm just need someone who's going to be there and like me for me, no matter what my flaws are. |
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twiggypuff | 06-29-06 6:41pm We all go through phases. This is one of yours. Some people will leave your life because of it, but many more people will enter. I am happy that you know who you are. I like you. It would be dumb if I didn't like you because you like to drink and blah blah blah. I went through a phase like this. <3
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chelthesmell | Re:, 07-06-06 1:55pm thanks syd. you're awesome! When I saw that I had comments for this one I was thinking "damn, someone is going to bitch at me some more and I'll probably lose another friend" but no. You told me how you're still my friend. I like that about you Syd. Snaps to you for being awesome. *snaps* |
moomoo | 06-30-06 12:22am I'm always here chelsea. I lose freinds b/c of this shit we do to. I think people judge way to fast, before they even know whats going on or anything about the situation. So I just tell them to fuck off. I love you to pieces and we will party on lol. |
chelthesmell | Re:, 07-06-06 1:56pm damn right we will! I love the shit out of you Mindy Giaimo! You're my absolute favorite!! |