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| painttheskywithstars (profile) wrote, on 2-21-2003 at 8:17pm | |
| Current mood: indescribable Music: The Cranberries <3 Subject: * I'm not ready for this, though I thought I would be. I can't see the future, though I thought I could see * |
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| What the hell am I doing?? Honestly, what the FUCK is wrong with me? I feel as if I’m constantly walking around my life with half-opened, blurry eyes. My mind is a playground for those thick-headed children who will never understand reality. School is almost over. Certain classes must be passed in order to walk through those sugar-flavored exit doors. So why, then, am I failing three classes? Why am I getting referrals thrown at me left and right? Why don’t I have a job? Twenty bucks once a week buys me gas and Wendy’s. Why are people such assholes? Why do I eat so much shitty food? WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING AFTER MY SHELTERED LITTLE HIGHSCHOOL LIFE ENDS?? Why did my dad buy me a car that was bruised and broken from the very beginning? If I press too hard on the gas it just might blow up. Why does none of this really matter? I don’t even care.. (which is kind of a problem.) Everyone is walking around so delusional. So unknowing. I wonder sometimes if maybe it’s better to be closed-minded. To live in a cage where you only believe what people taught you to believe. I question so many things about the way I live.. the way everyone in this extremely complex world lives. I have no motivation for anything, because I feel like there’s no reason to. Nothing matters. In 10 years, nothing we worry about now will matter. I don't know where I’m going with this. There’s just so many things plaguing my uncertain mind. I think I’m trying to describe what thoughts are spinning in my head, but I’m realizing now, that’s it’s not such an easily attainable task. This new war with Iraq is only pressing harder. What if one Tuesday morning, while running to first period, worried that I’m going to have to sit in the tardy room AGAIN, some nuclear HATE bomb explodes? I watched some video of Saddam having citizens of his OWN country killed because they were rebelling against something. If he is that careless with the people living in his country, why the hell would he care about innocent Americans?? Were all human, why cant we just make peace and act civilized instead of hating eachother? I shouldn’t write when I’m in these chaotic moods. I think I need to breath in some fresh air, stargaze for a couple hours. I need some remedy. |
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| Anonymous | 02-23-03 4:01pm aww julia is such a happy person :-D |