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rayray (profile) wrote,
on 10-8-2006 at 11:14am
I don't feel good enough for him.
I don't feel pretty enough, or smart enough.
I feel completely worthless.
I don't cook.
I have a job, but that doesn't even seem good enough because I'm behind on bills.
I cheated, the one time. Which still gets thrown in my face.
I whine too much.
And I'm a complete burden.
Nothing I do is good enough.
And I cry too much.
I make mistakes, that I can't fix.
He might as well just leave me.
As much as I don't want him to, and wish he wouldn't.
Eventually that is going to be the only thing he can do.
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skife

10-08-06 1:58pm

you missed red flannel, you missed me drunk...
i'm sad.
you've got 2 voice mails.
love
-Justy

(reply to this)

rayray

Re:, 10-08-06 3:31pm

Thank you for the voicemail.
You guys were supposed to call me after the pull.
You didn't, and I was sad.
I really needed you guys yesterday.
My whole world is falling apart.
And Im just letting it happen.
I wish I could go a day without making a mistake.
I wish I could be all that he needs.
I wish that I was pretty enough, smart enough, and enough of all the things he needs/wants.
But I'm not.
And there is nothing I can do to change that.
I wish that I could make him love me, but I fucked that up a long time ago.
It's coming up on a year that we've been together. And sometimes I feel like it never should have began, because he's not happy with me.

(reply to comment)

skife

Re: Re:, 10-08-06 10:20pm

i called you like 20 minutes before the pulls, were you in cedar?

(reply to comment)

rayray

Re: Re: Re:, 10-14-06 12:38pm

No. I was sleeping when you called.
And so I called A.J when I woke up.
He's the one that said he'd call when the pulls were over.
And find a way to come get me.
So it's his fault.
The second time you called, when you left your drunken message, I was with Mike and his Aunts house watching movies and I had my phone turned off because it kept beeping for some gay reason.

I miss you kiddo.
We definately need to hang out sometime.
Hey, want to try and find me a new motor for my car..
It's a 98 intrepid.. 2.7... yeah...
I need a vehicle.

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