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| rayray (profile) wrote, on 11-20-2006 at 5:58pm | |
| Im only miserable when I'm away from him. The misery eats away at me as I sit and wonder what he's doing, what he's thinking. And when we're together, I'm constantly questioning everything that he's thinking, and whether or not he truly wants to be with me. Wednesday at 5 we are meeting with the guy that we are going to be getting the new place from. I told the landlord last week we'd be out by DECEMBER 1st. Won't be able to move in until the first of the year. So I have to go talk to the landlord and try to extend that. Otherwise we're screwed. When we move we might be getting a dog. Mike said it'd be our home warming present. A plant would be our best bet. But a dog would be nice. Even though I love him entirely and he makes me happy, shouldn't I be happy even when we're apart? I hate being away from him. I love the way his scent lingers. I love the way I can still feel his arms around me, even after he's not there. And I love the way he looks at me. Sadly, I still question whether he means it. I'm constantly contradicting myself. Questioning every thought, even every movement. And just when I think that our relationship is coming to an end and I've braced myself for the moment, everything turns around. The self-esteem I lack is well needed at this point. The confidence I've never had, is desired. I hate how I'm so insecure. Will I ever lose this feeling that he wants/deserves better, prettier, smarter? |
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brianna | 11-21-06 11:19am You should be happy when you're apart, sad because you can't be with him, but this constant questioning is slowly build a wall in the relationship. Part of a relationship is about trust. Not that I'm an expert because yes, I KNOW that Dann could do better than me, but the thing is that he's with ME. He isn't with anyone else. And if I keep saying how I'm not good enough and feeling it, then I'm not trusting him like I should. You need to try to start building your self-esteem back up because if you continue like this, there will most likely be problems in the future. |