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| rayray (profile) wrote, on 6-1-2007 at 1:19pm | |
| Subject: A serious update on my behalf. If you don't like it, piss off. |
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| In some ways I feel like I have messed up my life, yet I feel like I have everything I need and I'm happy. I have lead it in a path that would take a very long time to reconstruct if such events happened that would cause me to fall flat on my ass. I know that if Mike and I ever split up, I wouldn't be the same. It would take me a very long time to get over it and even then, I don't think I could fully get over it. I used to be a pretty independent person. I could hold my own, and I didn't need a guy there all the time. But I was very unhappy and I made a lot of decisions that I'm not proud of. I let my mother get the best of me. I am very happy with Mike, but sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out for this whole relationship thing. Maybe its that I'm still in shock that we have been together for 19 months. Whatever the reason is, it doesn't explain why I keep screwing up. Why I can't put my sarcastic, bitter, 'could-give-a-fuck-less' attitude in the closet. I feel like I have to do everything I can to see how long before he breaks. I feel like I keep screwing up all the time, or saying the wrong things, to see what will happen. To see if he's had the last straw. Why does my brain have to be so cluster-fucked with thoughts and emotions all the time. Guh! |
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brianna | 06-02-07 10:54am I'm married and I still feel this way sometimes. |