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| m&ms487 (profile) wrote, on 10-9-2007 at 1:08pm | |
| Today is nice and calm and blue and a little cloudy, and not at all evil and sticky and gross like the past few days. I have a feeling, somewhere in me, that I can't put a finger on, but I know it's there. I hate that, not being able to identify what I feel. I signed my major today. I am officially an English major going for a Bachelor of Science in Education, Secondary Certification degree...thing. I'm going to sign my minor in a few days, I think. I need to get this stuff done, especially since the new bill came out for Higher Education that has some stuff in it about tuition assistance for to-be teachers. I need that! ME! Right here!! I feel _____ . What is that blank? I feel....straight line? I feel, underscore? I feel.....blank? White? Spacey? Wiped out? No. Not really. Sometimes I hate that I only have seventyish years on this planet, and I've already used up about one third of them. What have I done in my one third of a life time? Prepared for the second third, I guess. Is that a waste? I'm not sure. What if the second third ends up being about preparing for the third third...and what if the third third is preparing for death...then am I just living my whole life to die? Always preparing for a moment that will never come. What am I trying to achieve? What is the goal? Yes, to have a job, a car, a house, a family maybe....but...why? To have a stable life for the future? What future? I'm afraid that I will have lived my life constantly trying to over achieve in a world that doesn't notice me. I have poured my emotions into this text box so many times... just an observation. I don't understand how I function. I don't believe that there is an afterlife in the Christian sense of the word. I don't believe in a heaven or a hell...maybe a little waiting room with Cosmo and National Geographic magazines from 1988. What keeps me from being totally depressed about living a whole life, and then just dying, like i was never here in the first place? How do i not be upset when I waste days doing things that I hate, because I know that I will never get those days back? I know what the meaning of life is: ______________ . I am feeling rushed. |
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.j.e.s.s. | 10-09-07 2:25pm two of your paragraphs sounded like things that go through my mind so much all the time. yeah , i think the same things about ...life |
| m&ms487 | Re:, 10-09-07 4:00pm oh good...i'm not crazy. |
gillette | 10-09-07 4:12pm i think that too about already having used up a third of my life.
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spinder | Re:, 10-09-07 5:16pm You can always change your life. Not in the past, perhaps. But how the past effects the present? Yes. |