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| sendmemoney (profile) wrote, on 2-26-2003 at 11:18am | |
| Current mood: hurt Music: rocking horse winner - when songbirds sing |
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| was it worth it ? was it worth seeing me for the first time with no eyeliner because it had all been cried off instead of because i had slept over , and never being able to listen to rocking horse winner again ? and not having anybody to go to bright eyes or warped tour with and explaining to everybody at your work that you hadn’t been treating me good ? and always getting my answering machine because i could no longer waste the minutes i’d save on you, because i knew what you were going to say because it’s all so cliché that i could recite those lines with you ? but here i am , assuming you don’t have a good excuse . maybe you lied because you didn’t want to hurt me . so maybe you shouldn’t have done anything to hurt me in the first place . maybe you wanted me to get past my writer’s block and write and write and write three things in ten minutes . how fucking considerate of you . but here i am , justifying things in four different ways and pressing seven when i should be pressing three , and focusing on you instead of my research paper . and jumping to the window every time i hear a car door slam because maybe you’re here to apologize , and rehearsing in my mind all the things i have to say to you that will remain unsaid because i can’t call you because i know i’d lose my will . and i know you’re never going to read this , so maybe that’s why i’m so anxious to get it all out so i can move on with my life . but fuck . all i want to know is why . why you did it and why you couldn’t tell me before or afterward so that i wouldn’t look so fucking stupid to everybody who knew , because everybody knew . i wish there was some way i could go back and act on instinct instead of heart , and ignore all the sweet talk , because that’s all it was , no matter how much you told me it was true . i wish i could move on and stop living in the past and overanalyzing every word, every kiss, every phone call . that time i came over and she was there , and all the difference it would have made if i had just fucking walked inside . how you could have so little respect for me that you kissed me anyway . and denied being an asshole even though i said it lightheartedly . but it’s true . you fucking asshole . so why ? why do i want to see you again even though i keep telling you i don’t ? | |
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songsoffreedom | 02-26-03 2:19pm yeah, love sucks |
*tinkerbell* | 02-26-03 11:25pm i love you susan. |