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skife (profile) wrote,
on 11-20-2007 at 7:51pm
today was one of my best friend's mom's funeral.

she was catholic, wich doesn't bother me at all.

except i felt intimidated while going into the church.
I walked in and the cathedral (is this the right word for it) was huge!!! there was this giant statue of jesus on a cross and it just didn't seem like a happy place, they played the orgen and it sounded depressing. the pews we're hard wood and we're built in an angle so that your back began to hurt after sitting in them for awhile. when the paster/priest(again, i dont know the proper term) started to speak his voice echoed through the giant room. it was extremely intimidating. then everyone else knew "the lords prayer" and all this other ritual stuff.

Death has become a common thing with me lately, in the past month I have lost 3 people i knew. It makes me think about my beliefs, question them, question if there is a god or not.

in one hand i think "hey, there is no god its just a big myth"

then i look at it as "why would people dedicate their lives to something that doesn't exist, something has to be there"

i'm just in a state of confusion lately.

dunno.

at least i got my exercise today though "stand, kneel, sit, stand, kneel, sit"
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RomanceReverie

11-20-07 9:37pm

The song on your page scared the crap out of me.
I thought my computer was just randomly singing.
I like that song btw. :D

and yeah, my friends family is catholic..I didn't know what was going on. Up, down, down lower, up again, down again, up again." I was like..whoa..xD

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skife

Re:, 11-20-07 9:41pm

what song, i have a bunch that randomly play :)

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romancereverie

Re: Re:, 11-20-07 9:48pm

I didn't know the name xD
it sounded like an old song.

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skife

Re: Re: Re:, 11-21-07 1:58am

probably casey jones by the greatful dead.

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RomanceReverie

Re: Re: Re: Re:, 11-21-07 7:21am

Yep, that was it.

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liz

11-21-07 11:24am

Right after my grandma barb died I didn't believe in god.
I just cannot grasp how something that is supposed to be just and benevolent could allow cancer to just ravage her and inflict so much pain onto a person who is so wonderful and just amazing.
I told my parents this and while they are not particularly religious they asked me if I visited her grave.
well I do. everytime Im there. I find peace there like she is with me which is insane because it is just like...I dont know her body but whatever my mother told me that when she visits her grave that is when she believes in god the most because the idea that my grandmother is just gone is too much pain to deal with and that she HAS to believe that there is an afterlife and that my grandmother is watching
either way a year and a half has past since we lost my grandma and she is always sending me signs that she is around.
just last week when I had the cancer scare I had a dream and grandma and I were sitting at her kitchen table and we were just chatting. the way your mother and I do you know women style. anyway she told me that I am really stressed out and that is why I am so sick and that if I would just allow myself to relax and stop trying to carry the world on my shoulder that I would be just fine. it was intense. like I wasnt there and I didnt even realize that it was a dream and things that like those are the things that my mother is right about because I know grandma was talking to me.

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phil-himself

11-21-07 12:08pm

if life lasted forever, would it really be worth living?

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spud

11-23-07 2:20pm

yeah, my dad's whole family is catholic, so i was raised in that environment. but i can totally see how that would be very intimidating for someone who wasn't versed in the traditions. for me though it works in the opposite way, since all of the sights and sounds and motions are so familiar and ingrained, from my earliest childhood, it feels very comforting to be there sometimes. but it also depends a lot on the people you're with at the time.

i believe he could be technically considered a priest, but i've always called them fathers. which is a very politically loaded title, but still. that's what i call 'em.

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skife

Re:, 11-23-07 4:50pm

i can see it to be comforting, i would have joined in if i knew what was going on. This is the point of my life where my views on religion is changing. I could be catholic maybe. i'm not sure.



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hwnchick

Re: Re:, 11-27-07 6:53am

if catholic is too intense for you, try episcopalian. thats what i was raised as. its kinda like a watered down catholic. still all the standing and kneeling and singing, but not quite as formal. i think church is really comforting, but i know all the rituals and what not. but i think in most churches, people are willing to help you learn and its a good place to get in touch with yourself and your feelings. anyways, good luck with everything =)

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chelthesmell

11-27-07 5:31pm

I find myself in the same thought most of the time. The whole "Is there a God?" question. I've decided that we will never know until we get there. I guess you could say I am Agnostic. I think I'm just realistic. I guess I started thinking this way when I truely learned about death. First my grandma, then a couple of friends, people my age. It also made me think why would God, who claims to love his childern let things like that happen. Like when my mom had a miscarraige and my sister had two of them stuff like that was just hard on my family. I dont really know where else I am going with this besides I know how you feel man and if you need anything just let me know. I'll like go deliver pizzas with you or something. lol.
Let me know if you and McDub are doing anything cool sometime. It'd be cool to see him before he goes.

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