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xjayk (profile) wrote,
on 2-5-2008 at 9:44pm
Subject: I love You - But I'm Not In Love With You
He spoke the words loud, they echoed through my mind yet it didn't hurt. I didn't feel the loss of 3 years and a lost child, it was just words now. Words that I knew should have been spoken a long time ago. A broken engagement, a broken promise, a broken heart, a broken future. I suffered for about five minutes, and then just went to bed, with him sleeping quietly next to me. I remember the day I met him and laughing, I remember the day I told him he was my only one, that he would be the only one. It's funny how memories are like sand you can hold it in your hands but then eventually it blows away or drops back onto the beach, only a few specks remain glued to your hands, in the creases where its hard even for you to get them out.
I find myself interested in other people, but knowing that I cannot obtain them, its something that I've learned to do, to settle for who I think I can get that will be good for me. My heart will mend and is mending as we speak. Though words did not affect me the past 1 1/2 years have. I'm learning to love myself again and find that I have things that I'm actually interested in.

And I'm also realizing right now that my allergy to dust is far more worse than I thought.

So I look upon the person that I'm now attracted to and wonder if I'm ready and if I know I'm worth it.
He's wonderful, a little uptight, a little intimidating if you don't know him like I do, and a little bit like everything I've ever looked for in a guy.


Wow

I totally don't know if I'm ready to find this guy, but hey he found me, litteraly he told me that he wanted to join my school and worked his ass off to get in there. And now he is. :D
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xxxxxxxxxx

02-05-08 9:48pm

I love the way you write things. It's so.. I dunno, you're just amazing with words and describing what you're dealing with.

Anyway, I'm hoping that things work out, and that you start seeing how gorgeous you really are again :) You deserve the best guy out there, seriously.

(reply to this)

acidtears

02-05-08 10:49pm

I agree with Hil.
And if this new guy doesn't cut it, Leesh, I've had a crush on you for forever.

Love.

(reply to this)

xjayk

Re:, 02-07-08 2:15pm

Thanks Jess

Hahah

I might have to take you up on that ( ;

(reply to comment)

acidtears

Re: Re:, 02-07-08 2:18pm

Dude. Offer's always there.

I'm not messing around anymore: you need to come up here and stay with us for a weekend or something.

(reply to comment)

xjayk

Re: Re: Re:, 02-07-08 7:56pm

I wish I could, I just work so much there is never any time anymore. That's why Hillary comes up here, that way she can hang out with her boy toy and I work for a few hours and then pick her up so she can smell my sensual pizza grease and fall asleep on my cold floor.

Sounds like a wonderful weekend ey?

hah

Its sad because its somewhat true...

haha

(reply to comment)

acidtears

Re: Re: Re: Re:, 02-07-08 9:06pm

'Sensual' pizza grease.
I'm so turned on.

(reply to comment)

xjayk

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:, 02-11-08 10:00pm

Ahahaha

Nice

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