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| spud (profile) wrote, on 2-13-2008 at 12:33am | |
| Music: the little river band Subject: reminiscing |
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you know... not much has changed, in me anyway. i like to think that i've grown or improved in some way. but i haven't, really. gangles was on american idol tonight, doing the same thing he's always done. granted, he was essentially booed off the stage. and i knew when i saw him drumming in the intro stuff that it wouldn't end well. i think he would have been much more successful with guitar. and honestly, i wished he would have gone on. which is probably sad. but it got me wondering... why isn't some podunk town somewhere in an uproar because I'M on national television, making an ass of myself? why isn't it me out there, doing what i love to do? and i came to the conclusion that it's the very same reason that mike chose gangles instead of me. the same reason i was always overshadowed by him in the talent show. because i'm not a dickweed. i wish i were, but the fact remains that i am not, and i haven't been in a long long time. there was a time when i was. and i enjoyed the privileges it afforded me - just as he enjoys the privileges it affords him. but ultimately, i made a choice growing up that i wouldn't be a dickweed; that i actually wanted a few close friends who liked me, instead of many distant acquaintances who liked me and close friends i pushed away. but lately, i've been becoming more of a dickweed again. i've begun pushing away many of those close friends, and attracting a handful of distant acquaintances. however, this time the switch wasn't really a conscious choice. sure, i've always been jealous of the dickweeds in my life, since they got to do more and be more, and i just sat there and let them. but i don't think it's worth it to me to give up my close friends, just so i can do more and be more. i'd rather have them and live in squalor, than become big and have nobody there. even still, i find myself continuing down the path to dickweed-dom. how do i stop it? can i stop it? do i want to stop it? i don't know. maybe. yes. but i still have no idea where that puts me, or what the next thing i have to do to change it might be. but hey, i did dishes tonight, worked on my fafsa, did some networking business for my school projects, and watched some T.V. so what am i complaining about? i can pretend to be a big rock star later. for now i'll just be the poor college student i'm supposed to be, and find some way to assimilate and be a happy part of the machine. "shyah, right, and monkeys might fly out of my butt!" |
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| Anonymous | 02-13-08 1:33am I can't really picture "dickweed Chris".
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skife | 02-13-08 1:43am Waynes world quote.
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tuwang | 02-13-08 9:35am hey, man, I like you. Don't be a dickweed. That's probably your most enjoyable quality is that you aren't a total douchebag, and if you are you do it in such a proper way that there's no way I can stay mad at you! Besides, I'm all the dick you need...
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rayray | 02-13-08 3:00pm I think we all go through a dickweed stage.
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