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godessalthena (profile) wrote,
on 2-16-2008 at 9:51am
Current mood: confused
Subject: School... or work forever..?

Taking a year off of school really sucked. Being at a dead-end job really stinks. Knowing that I'll have to do what I'm doing for at least a year before I get a raise. And knowing that what I do is extremely boring and thankless and stressful makes me feel stupid for being there.

I think I was having such a hard time being excited about school was because it was what my parents wanted. I knew that an education is important in getting a good job that pays well... But I really didn't know how important a good paying job was. And that better paying jobs usually have less shitty customers.

And then when I have kids and they know I've never been to college... How much will they respect me? I mean... Getting educated is important. And having a good job that you don't hate is important. And being able to make a living on your own is important... And right now I don't really have any of those things. And free school is a really great opportunity.

I mean, it would require me to move out and away from Kirk... But what we have can survive that. We don't really see each other anyway during the week anyway... And he would be free to do as much studying as he wanted without feeling guilty for not paying attention to me. And at this point I feel like I can concentrate on what I need.. I've been streamlining my life for Kirk, so I can marry him and have his kids, and that's it. I need to do something for me, so I know I can do things for me.

I'm afraid about getting another shitty roommate... But it won't be so bad. I always can leave and study. If I worked hard enough I'd be able to graduate with Kirk, or only a year later, rather than two. Of course, I'd have to pick a major now and stick with it. Which I know I can do if I really try... And I haven't been trying to do anything since high school...

I take so much for granted right now. I take this apartment, this relationship... all of this stuff for granted.

I can't live my life for someone else. I need to start living for myself and doing things to secure my future. This last year really taught me that... I can't just rot, wasting my potential and intelligence...

I'm worth so much more than all this.

Any opinions would be great... I would love to hear from all of you...
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xswtlilangel666x

02-16-08 3:38pm

From what I read, you're a strong enough person (and the relationship you have with Kirk is also strong enough) to withstand the whole college school. If you want to go to school, I say go for it.

Even if you decide not to go to school and continue working, your kids will not think any less of you seeing as how you're a great person who tries so hard to do good for others.

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angel_bob

02-16-08 5:00pm

My dad never went to college and I hold a lot of respect for him. He's worked hard all his life. My boyfriend's parents also never went to college. It's not for everyone and it's not your fault and it's not a bad thing if you don't want to go.

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rorin

02-17-08 2:08pm

I'm thinking to support yourself you could work part time and go to school part time? Or can you get enough financial aid to go to school full time?

I think we should all live for ourselves :)
And I think your realization of that makes you more of a woman and less of a girl.

I have to go so I can't give the response I'd like... but if that didn't make sense this will - I support you! And my personal opinion is to take the free ride to the University. You can get a good job with any college degree, not just what your major is in. Plus the distance from Kirk may be what you need to stand on your own to feet.

Good luck dear <3

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oceanchild

02-18-08 4:57am

It's interesting to live in my family because mom's side and my dad's have very different ways of looking at the whole college deal. My mom's side holds college education in extremely high regard. My grandfather is a surgeon, my grandmother was a teacher, both their kids went to college (whether they wanted to or not, in the case of my mother) and...my mom ended up studying art, which she liked, and then working at UPS, which she hates, for 30 years, and my uncle still requires financial help from his parents to pay the rent on his house -- but he loves his job.

It's those grandparents that are funding my university education, because it's so important to them, and because they were like a kind of second set of parents for me I've somewhat assimilated the opinion. There was never any doubt in my mind that I could remember that after high school would come college, and after college then some job, whatever it turned out to be.

But then on my dad's side of the family...I don't know if any of them went to college. Certainly my dad and his siblings didn't. And y'know, they're all doing pretty well. One of my aunts gripes about her job but it's a good one nonetheless. The other aunt works as a personal assitant for a rich family in LA. My uncle started his own business. And my dad worked as a culinary arts teacher, so he didn't make much, but he loved what he did.

As far as kids respecting parents -- my mom went to college and my dad didn't. I respected my dad more than any other person I've known (or not known and simply admired). His education had nothing to do with it. It was the person he was, the way he had lived his life. Maybe the question is whether you'll lose respect for yourself, not whether your future children will.

But in conclusion, I agree that free school is a great opportunity. And if I were you? I'd go for it. It doesn't last long, it sort of serves as a buffer between Real Life and You (which is nice), and at the end of it, hey, you'll have a degree -- which, as you say, is important.

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