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| xjayk (profile) wrote, on 6-27-2008 at 1:18am | |
| If I could write down every thought that whisks its way through my mind I would be a top selling novelist, but it seems whenever I sit to write down what I have to say my words get jumbled and confused and I find myself deleting everything. Even now I can't seem to get out what I'd like to say, perhaps that's why I've been running in circles with this post. I feel as if I've lived 1000 lives each one more and more twisted than the next. I scratch at the scabs perhaps that's the reason they never heal, some I've been told will never but I guess that's life right? I hate that saying 'that's life' it seems to be tied to everything bad that happens, you lose a job 'Well that's life' your boyfriend leaves you for a tramp 'I guess that's life' well my God I really don't feel that's the way it should be at all. Why can't it ever be tied to something great like "I'm having a baby!" 'Well that's life Margret' "It sure is John, it sure is." I should be estatic, I have a family that loves me, best friends that wouldn't leave my side if I begged them to (Hillary's clingy) and a boyfriend that loves me about 5 out of 7 days of the week. This year is the worst year of my life. I've gone through so much I'm surprised I can keep my head above water, for the most part at least. I have my friends to thank for that, Hillary mainly. She's the only one who I can tell everything to and she'd never hold it over my head. She knows my deepest darkest secret and is there when I'm in self destructive mode over it. Hill never judges, or leads on to. There are times where no one is here in this entire city that I can talk to and it gets a bit rough. Its hard to know I cannot tell Thaddeus everything, but if I did I think he'd be just about as messed up as I am, yet Hill still holds onto some of her sanity. I really don't know the meaning of this post. But I've had an extreamly hard year and I just needed to get some things off of my chest. Thaddeus threw something in my face today that made me have a horrible flash-back and an anxiety attack from hell, yeah... I don't know I guess this whole thing was kinda pointless but thank you Hillary. You're always there. Always. Thanks.  Only she really knows and understands me, we've been inseperable for damn near 14 years now and I'm lookin' foreward to another 14 |
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xxxxxxxxxx | 06-28-08 4:08pm awww, I love you Leesh.
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