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| godsconcern (profile) wrote, on 12-12-2008 at 2:26pm | |
| First good day in about 2 weeks. And it shouldn't really be a good day, because shit went wrong. But I feel good. i think it is just because Ive been working out all day and that has a way of getting your blood flowing and making you feel good. Healthy I guess. We got some new guys yesterday and I have been kind of showing them the ropes around. I like to do that when we get new guys because I remember when i was new nobody wanted to help me with anything and my life was hell for about three months, and I figure it shouldn't be that way. its kind of like a big brother feeling lol. I get to show them all the cool stuff I have learned, tell them who they can and can't fuck with, how to properly fill a radio frequency, clean a weapon, blah blah blah. I was thinking about how a persons character can grow and become stronger. I feel like in the aspect of being away from home I have become stronger. I remember when I was in basic I was so scared and so unbelievably lonely. I still am, but it is not as bad. I used to go to church every Sunday just so I could get away from everybody and just cry. I would cry for a good hour for no particular reason and then when church was over, I'd wipe the tears away, put back on my asshole face, and head back to the guys. I think I was this way because I was so unsure of myself. I missed Jocelyn so much. i depended on her for everything. She was my anchor that let me feel my life was still ok. Then when she did what she did and broke my heart, it took me a whole year to realize I did not need her to be ok with myself. I guess it was unfair for me to rest all of my weight on her, and I can't blame her for not being there for me when I needed it most, because she had her life and she had Joe. But now I am ok with all of that. I don't need her and i don't need anyone. I mean, i need her as a friend or whatever, but I no longer need them to make me feel good. So fuck you world. Im not the same little boy you chewed up and spit out. |
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ratanatheevilkitty | 12-12-08 4:03pm :) |