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| mle (profile) wrote, on 5-11-2002 at 4:59pm | |
| Current mood: blank and dazed Music: silverchair and linkin park Subject: i love the feeling of being sick... |
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so i talked to mrs black (school guidance counselor). i havent talked to her in a long time. its kinda weird w/ her because she talks so much. its cool b/c her sister was bulimic for 7 years, so she has an idea, and it also cuts down on the awkwardness of the situation, but its hard to tell her everything i want/need to. i cant stray too far away from the usual w/ her. i cant tell her of the scatterbrained chaos flickering around in my mind, or the crazy things i make myself believe. well excuse me did i mistake you for someone else? somebody who gave a damn somebody more like myself (jewel - foolish games) i volunteered at the river bank run this morning. cold and long, but totally worth it. there were like 10 wheelchair racers. omg, i totally admire them! then again, i admire everyone who was in the race. my god -- 16 miles is a long race. it also made me jealous.. but i was so damned proud of doreen and my cousin heather. i was so excited when i saw them run through my aid station (13 mile-marker -- the hardest part) ive been thinkin about so much lately, but i think im gonna leave now before i get all into it and bore/confuse the shit outta you guys :) im not tryin to bring you down i just want you to see what is happening to me (left front tire - bring you down) mle |
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| Anonymous | 05-11-02 9:23pm It's me again....I posted yesterday and then I tried to respond to what you wrote back to me but I don't think it went through....if it did and u get like the same post three times....I am really sorry! First of all, you said its hard for you because your friends are basically athiest and I totally understand how hard that makes it. It is so hard when you have different beliefs and goals than your friends. I think if you do desparatly want to find God as you said you do, you need to find some friends who are trying to get closer to God and find God too. I think it could really help you to find a youth group to go to. Speaking from experience, I don't know if I could handle what life throws at me with out the friends I ahve made at youth group. They are so awesome! I know a lot of people think youth groups are all boring but that is not true. I think there are a couple boring youth groups that stereotyped all the rest :) I see in your info that you live in Grand Rapids. I happen to know of two awesome youth groups around there. St. Anthony's Life Teen and Holy Trinity Life Teen. St. Anthony Life Teen I know is every Sunday night at 7-9 pm, I am not sure about Holy Trinity's though. I also know the youth group leader, Chris Kreslins, would be more than willing to talk to you about what you are struggling with and help you becasue he has been through a ton of stuff and struggled with a lot of stuff in high school before he got to know God. From what I have heard both youth groups are excellent. And I really recommend trying them out sometime because it is so hard to find God without friends there to help you along the way. It's so hard to do alone. About the fact that you can't forgive yourself, you have to understand that Jesus died for us while we were sinners. He knew fully well how much we would continue to reject, insult, and hate Him. Everytime we do He is so hurt and yet He loves us that much through it all. He forgives you if you are sorry. It is a lot harder to forgive yourself, I know. It takes time. It's not easy. It is hard with God's help, but without it, it is a million times harder. Once you forgive yourself and let go of the hate you have toward yourself, you will be so much happier. I also think it would still be smart to tlka to your parents. They are there to help you and love you through everyhting and they will be happy that you went to them and want help! SO please think about talking to them too! It's good that you were able to talk to your Guidance counselor though. God Loves you! I am praying for you! Don't give up! |
| mle | Re:, 05-12-02 6:23pm hey, do i know you?
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