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| godsconcern (profile) wrote, on 5-5-2009 at 9:57pm | |
| This promises to be a pointless entry by a bored guy with no one to talk too. I crush to easy. Ive always known this, and it is really rather annoying. I fall in love with any girl who shows me the least bit of interest. And I dont mean interest in the way like they are interested in dating you or something like that, I mean it in a way like they notice you and smile, or just do something nice. Im speaking figuratively of course, I dont really "fall in love" I just mean that when someone does this it makes my heart melt. I know that sounds really stupid. Maybe its an acceptance thing. Ive long been striving for the acceptance of my peers around me. Im working on it and I dont think its as big as a problem as it used to be, but I always tried to be who I thought others wanted. The class clown, the rebel, the dick, the caring friend, ect ect, until I had a different facade for each group of friends. But Im getting off topic. Im talking about crushing on girls. Lets take for instance this girl lexie. Cute girl, pretty funny, we went to highschool together but didnt really talk to often even though we ran in similar cliques. We've taken to talking on facebook for the last couple of months, and Im crushing hard on her. Then there was kim, I fell for her hard. Becca, Stephanie, Jen the list goes on and on. Almost always it stays as a crush because thats life. With jocelyn it clearly didnt. I didnt really know her to well. I remember me and her were hanging out on sarahs floor, playing donkey kong or street fighter, one or the other. I was the big goofy me in my brown jacket and she was looking cute. We did the normal whole deal as highschool kids flirting, little playful pushing and what not. She bit my elbow. Some kind of weird hippy mating thing im sure. That lasted for a good long while. That was one of the only little crushes I pursued. I mean, Ive had my handful of relationships, and plenty of hookups, but I kind of just fell into all of them. I guess where im going with this is for the majority of the times I was a happy little guy even if shit ended badly and I want to have another expeirence like that, just with a better outcome. I need to start working harder at getting what I want, and not what other people want for me. I realize this entry was all over the place and im sorry. Thats how my mind processes things. |
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ratanatheevilkitty | 05-06-09 4:07am i am happy that you finally realized on your own. |