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| thedarkerside (profile) wrote, on 3-3-2003 at 7:30pm | |
| Current mood: questionable Music: Bring me to life- Evenescene Subject: I stared at everyone in envy...in envy of what they had.. |
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I cant help but to wonder if I always want the things...people...just stuff that I know I can never have...people in particilar. I want some people so badly..I want their friendship so bad. I need someone to be the person who played the SUPER MAN best friend in the whole wide world who is with me every minute of the day..I seemed to have lost that over time..probably my fault. I constantly set myself up for rejection...not all my fault 50% is the Rockford guy population dear lord....Rockford guys have such big egos. The good ones are either taken or they have this "perfect" inmage of the girl they want...but seriously guys...loosen up a bit. Everything in my life I've had to work for and I think as I get older and definitly alot smarter about whats going on I see that my life has basicly been cookie cutter clean....too clean...to predictable.. I wish there was just something that could be thrown at me something that could change my life make things different, make things alot different. Things now just basicly suck...everything...I basicly have no relationship with anyone in my family..The only one I actually care about is my dad....I look like him...I donno why but there has always just been something thats made me love him so much. If he ever died anytime soon...I think I'd literally kill myself. I hate how no one knows me...not biblically. I mean...no one knows everthing about me ...not even the closest of friends. I put a wall up....something I just do and I hate myself for that. I know I could do so much more....be so much more...just be someone else than who you see...but do you really know? I would really like it if more people took the effort to acutally get to know me instead of just saying hi to me...sometimes its just not enough...not even close. I have so much in me...so much no one has seen....I want people to see..but I dont know why I hold back. I think in some ways I have held back less...example: 1st crying in public...the law I had with my self that I'd never do...I've showed my weekness and it scared the shit out of me.. I have so much inside that no one could even think I'm capeable of... I thought I woudnt turn this into a sad entry but I cant help it... So much is racing inside my head...just everything comes out with a drop of a hat....If i dont stop I could go on forever. Reasurance....Something I shall work on. |
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dream | 03-05-03 11:14am "I want some people so badly..I want their friendship so bad." that would be the story of my life. I want it so badly, i make an ass out of myself, and then, never get it. we're prolly talking about the same person, if i am thinking right.
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thedarkerside | Re:, 03-05-03 6:12pm I really wasnt thinkinig of anyone in particilar..Just people in general. Thanks for understanding and the comment thou! |