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| oceanchild (profile) wrote, on 6-22-2010 at 7:50pm | |
| Subject: Some notes. |
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| I've been ill. Some weird stomach thing that started in February and has been getting steadily worse since April. Blood tests have revealed nothing. I can identify no patterns. I've been on anti-nausea medication for about a week and yesterday for the first time was able to eat a little without it. It's frustrating because it comes and goes, so I never know what to expect; and it's terrifying because vomiting is my worst and most long-lived phobia. Of course being exhausted and weak from lack of food does not help my general mental state. The truck is home at long last. I picked it up yesterday. The people who had it really did an impressive job--it looks and feels as good as new. It's so nice to have it back. I'd grown unused to it from driving other cars for so long, but even so, driving it feels like coming home after a long absence. I love this truck, and every time I look at it and know that now it's truly mine, I feel a pride so intense that my breath catches in my chest. All the same, the reunion is a little bittersweet. It's difficult to explain, but I feel as though it's somehow selfish for me to be happy about having it for my own. I used to feel like there was something of my dad in the truck, watching out for me...now I wonder if I've lost that privilege because I was too irresponsible and didn't show it respect when I had the chance. Starting in July, my hours at work will double and I'll also get a dollar raise. It's encouraging to know that my work is good enough to warrant rewards. I just love this job, and it keeps getting better and better. I'm provided with lunch every day, now--we have a new cook, and if what's on the menu isn't vegetarian friendly, she makes something special for me. One of my closest friends (one who lives in LA, so our only contact is online) has really tossed me to the wayside in the past couple of months. His girlfriend is moving back home to the midwest, which spells trouble for their relationship. He's been spending every waking moment with her, which I understand, and I really do sympathize with his position. The thing is, he's been one of my best friends for years, and I've always made time for him when he needed it, even if it was a little inconvenient for me. Lately, things have not been good for me, and occasionally I've really felt like I needed his support--but my texts go unanswered, my IMs are ignored, or I'm told that he can't talk because he's with the girlfriend. It hurts, and I'm getting really sick of having friends that are only interested in talking to me when they need something or can't be with their SO for whatever reason. I try not to take it personally, but constantly being Plan B starts to damage the ego after a while despite my best efforts. |
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brandyalexander | 07-25-10 9:59am Hey.
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