| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| thedarkerside (profile) wrote, on 3-6-2003 at 12:08pm | |
| Subject: This assignment has help me in so many ways.. Thank you Mrs. Klaes! |
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Amy Baird 5th Hour To believe in who you are is to believe in who your aren’t. I believe that I am many things, or that I can at least be many things. To truly define whom you are and what you possess is impossible. I honestly am nothing but fake. I feel that I don’t truly show who I am to other people in fear of rejection. This is something I must learn to grow out of. I’ve gone three years not being true to myself and others. Ever since I’ve come to east I’ve had a hard time trusting people, I don’t do well with change. Its almost like I betrayed them, leaving all my friends behind who now are at north. In saying that, I feel selfish. Re-reading that over and over again in my head makes me truly realize that maybe I am selfish…more selfish than I could even imagine. I feel like I don’t choose to be this way, or to even feel this way. Almost like a robot, I can’t feel my emotions or actions they just happen. I guess that’s part of being me in the making. Meaning that I’m not done processing who I’m going to be and how I will act when I get through this all. When I talked to my best friend about my emotions and how I felt about everything, how I truly felt deep down inside, and finally getting to be with my other friends only resulted in rejection. I knew that would happen if I tried to talk about exactly what was on my mind, but I’m not sorry for it, I wont take it back. Acceptance is one of the first things I look for in people…if they will accept who I am not just for my appearance, mostly for how I express myself through words. You cant really list who you are because we can all say that we are something but we aren’t going to be that forever. Our definition of who we are will always change. It will never be the same. I have figured that this is part of growing up and molding yourself. Over the years we change who we are just because everyone else does. But have you ever though of how you would be if you never changed yourself in the first place? I don’t understand jealousy. I don’t think I ever will. This year has been the roughest year yet. Everyone is constantly going through an identity crisis, the moods, and trash talking. It all kind of falls into one category. So who am I? I can’t even answer that question without going into how I’ve gotten to be who I am. I’m not even sure if I like who I am. I hate me when I’m questioning people’s motives and feeling like there is no end to my problems. Everyone likes me when I’m happy…so why wouldn’t I like me? I don’t because I know I’m not being me. The humor is always mainly to cover up insecurities and how I truly feel. I feel like me. |
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caramellokisses | 03-07-03 10:42pm I completely, 100% agree with you Amy. You are special. I love it =D |