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| godessalthena (profile) wrote, on 10-24-2013 at 8:14pm | |
| Current mood: depressed |
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| i've been meaning to write something here for a while. i just have been procrastinating because i hate myself so much. i have never been good at planning, but lately i've been even worse. i don't even know how i do it. i have like.. no memory what so ever. it's probably because i smoke too much weed, but i just don't think clearly about what my future plans are. i just hate that i hurt people because i can't fucking figure it out. i ruined 3 weekends with one careless plan slip up. and people are fucking assholes to me. and i don't feel like i deserve it at all. i feel like i'm doing pretty fucking well and i don't deserve for people to treat me like i'm an asshole. i hate work. i hate my job. i hate so many things about being in this department. and i feel like it's becoming just my default emotion - hatred. i'm so bitter and cynical and distrusting. i don't fucking trust anyone further than i can throw them. (some people excluded). and i over react emotionally to any slight against me. i have become so sensitive and quick to jump on the opportunity for someone to hate me. its like i enjoy feeling like everyone thinks i'm a fucking creep. everyone at work? they all think i'm a fucking creep. i have made ONE new friend since i started this position. just one. everyone else? won't even acknowledge me. i haven't even had a meeting with my manager yet, in five months. i just want to scream when i'm there. i just.. hate today so much. i hate that i am a bad friend, that i'm a bad daughter, that i'm a bad human being. i can't attract anyone to me. i feel so gross, ugly, incompetent, repulsive. i just want to give the fuck up. |
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alexithymia | 10-25-13 9:32am Hey now, people make scheduling mistakes all the time, I'm sure all will be forgiven.
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catatonicsean | 10-25-13 1:31pm Not to be some intrusive prick, but I'm sure there's a bright side to your existence which counters a lack of useless people you see five or six days a week who blather about boring inanities around the water cooler. Chin up, eh? |