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| godessalthena (profile) wrote, on 1-13-2014 at 8:37am | |
| Today is a difficult day. Day two without my Cymbalta. It feels like high school again. Futile, finite, forgettable. All of which I know is untrue, but I'm just so sick of humanity. I'm exhausted at being a part of the whole, and I feel like nothing I do ultimately matters, so why keep trying to hard to win at life? I don't like feeling this way anymore. So I'm going to try my hardest to will my mind to heal itself, rather than using medicine as a crutch to reach baseline. It's hard to admit that I may actually be broken forever. I don't want to be. I don't want to be a slave to my own brain chemistry. This battle feels endless. I know the day I die is the day it stops, but so does everything I hold so dear. So there isn't an out until something shitty happens and ends it for me. I just wish I could be normal, emotionally. I just wish I could be baseline all the time. I wish I wish I wish. but those won't come true unless I spend all my money on drugs and pills and therapy. It becomes so old, tiring, boring. I just hate everyone new I meet. People fucking suck. I hate humans. I love my friends, but there's only a handful of them, and they are all busy with their own lives. They don't have time to hear me talk about absolutely nothing and sob uncontrollably. Its a sobering and depressing thought that the only person who has put up with it in an intimate setting for a prolonged amount of time was Sus. Is that really the best I can get? Probably. |
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goodbye | 01-13-14 2:40pm I have the time but I think I caught something at Irv's and I don't want you to get the scratchy throat, headache, and fever I have now. Nor, no matter who it is, do I want anyone to see me atm. |
anonymoose | 01-13-14 2:44pm |
alexithymia | 01-13-14 7:16pm I'm here if you need to talk about everything and absolutely nothing at the same time. |