| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| polishpimping (profile) wrote, on 3-14-2003 at 1:19am | |
| Current mood: confused Music: my slow heavy heart beat |
|
| I don't know what is going on in my life. For some odd reason, I must be secreting a bit more of the "Hey there, baby" [Insert word for male faramones]. So I have had better luck with the ladies. This is a strange thing, because I stopped playing the game recently. I realized that I could not give my heart to anyone completely, except for her. Whenever I am talking to these ladies I still end up thinking about her. I can be happy, even if she will never be "mine". I just don't think it is fare to lead girls on like I tried to do for a while. I don't know what I am doing anymore. I seem to have lost my aim. *sigh OK, here is the real deal. The main reason I like her is because she is different. I was with Stacey a really long time. So long infact that I lost faith in females. Sure, Stacey treated me like shit, but I figured any girl would. All women are bitches. All problems between men and women was inherintly the males fault. I felt that the way to avoid problems was to be the "perfect" boyfriend. I did every thing I could just to make her happy. Why? Because that's what I HAD to do. Thats whatwomen were, just pretty little things that you have to bribe just to stay with you. I bribed her a lot. I treated her like a god. And after all that, she dumps me. Women are bitches. They will use you and toss you to the side after you are completely broke from buying her roses. I hated women, but I needed them to make myself feel worth something. Going hand in hand with the feeling that all women had to be bribed just to be with you is a hell of a lot of insucurity. I am unbelievably insucure, especially after Stacey left. I needed women to give me something to live for. I'm better now. Someone helped me to believe that I was worth something. It was her. She also surprised me, because she was the first girl who I felt like I wouldn't have to bribe. I never have to be someone I am not around her. I don't have to buy her presents just for her to spend time with me. She is my breath of fresh air. Anyway, I can't make my move. I'm afraid. Not affraid of rejection, at least not the quick kind. I have had the quick kind enough that I don't mind it anymore. I rip the band-aid of fast. I AM afraid that I would end up trying to be someone I am not just to impress her.I've been in situations like this before. Well this is a long one, and this isn't even my computer. I had better end this now. |
|
| Post A Comment |
|
polishpimping | 03-14-03 1:48am How can you say that you can't be yourself because your afraid that you wont be yourself? I think you should learn who you really are, and stop pretending to be someone else.
|
TaoMan1121 | Re:, 03-14-03 2:20am OMG, I'm so confused... |
polishpimping | Re:, 03-14-03 8:31am I agree with this "Someone Else" guy. I think you should stop being such a wussy. What's the worst that could happen, you find out you weren't ment for each other, in which case, it is better to find out sooner rather than latter.
|
| Anonymous | 03-30-03 10:35pm polishpimping, I think that's the nicest thing you can say about this girl and I hope she realizes what a wonderful guy you are. |
polishpimping | Re:, 04-25-03 12:57pm I'm not a wonderful guy. I'm an ass. I ruin everything I love. I am cursed. |