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| polishpimping (profile) wrote, on 4-2-2003 at 9:53pm | |
| Current mood: Lost Music: Dashboard Confessionals - Screaming Infidelities |
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| “Well As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs And sit alone and wonder…” Won’t someone please tell me who I am? I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve lost my drive, I am only moving because I still have momentum. I’m just going in the general direction I was going in the last time I cared. I’m not even sure I cared then. I have no passion in my major anymore. There are four reasons I picked engineering. 1) I would do it well. 2) It wouldn’t be very difficult for me. 3) It would be easy for me to find a job. 4) I would make enough money to support a family very well. I don’t know why I should even bother anymore. I may end up hating my life if I do become an engineer. Am I just kidding myself and the only reason is $$$. And even then in order for reason #4 to not be shallow, I would need a family. I don’t see it happening. I hate reality. I’m also not as conservative as one may think. I was raised a Democrat. I would still be one if I didn’t take religion so seriously. I am as pro-life as one could probably get. It makes me vote Republican; because that is the only issue I really care about. The only reason I got so worked up over this whole war thing, are the protestors frequently protest the wrong things. It makes me mad. I argue points I myself may not actually believe in, just to kill what I deem truly offensive. Sigh. I wish someone else would live this life. I’m not just tired of all the monotony. I am tired of constantly making hard decisions, second-guessing, and regretting everything I’ve done at college. I just want to go on vacation, but I can’t. Even if I could when I return everything would be turned upside down. Next year will bring more Jeremy, less Melissa (and possibly none). I’m tired of everything happening in such slow motion. So many train wreaks happing at the same time. (I swear, if Jayci comes here at all next year, I’m gonna flip. There is no way they could continue “going through THE motions” and not have emotional attachments. I don’t care if I don’t really know what’s going on between the two right now, but sometimes the third party view sees the most.) I really need a third person view right now. I’m just treading water in the sea of life. Which direction should I start to swim? Should I just give up and drown? |
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| Anonymous | 04-03-03 7:57am You said that since you take religion so seriously, that it dictates your arguements and how you vote. Maybe it should also be a way to help you figure out what you want to do. Prayer is a wonderful thing and is more powerful than you can imagine. It might also help for you to do other things outside of school. For instance volunteering, taking a road trip, or just hanging out with the people that you really want to be around. I think everyone feels like they're going to drown at some point. Just remember that you have family, close friends, and God to buoy you up when you need it. |
polishpimping | Re:, 04-03-03 8:54am Actually after I made a post last night, I went for a walk. I did talk to God for a bit. Of course, I never "heard" him answer, but he did. I calmed down a lot. I came to some conclusions about my life. I decided what I have to do.
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