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| KTHPKC (profile) wrote, on 4-9-2003 at 11:51am | |
| Current mood: thoughtful Music: Jin Roh Subject: My thoughts (abridged) |
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| I wrote this early this morning (1 a.m. mebbe)...i left some stuff out cuz these were my private thoughts at the time...i'll write some stuff aboot Jin Roh in here, so if j00 don't wanna have it spoiled, then don't read... Kristy told Ben to find a quiet place and write down his thoughts. I'll do sommat like that, except in the presence of Jessie and to the tune of my new favourite anime movie, Jin Roh. I've been feeling...cold lately, ever since i hurt myself. Not only physically, but emotionally as well. I don't know why...to many i appear distant...always thinking and daydreaming. Sometimes i feel like the "little red riding hood", kurz Haar, Nanami Agawa...distant and mysterious to others...it seems that i'll thaw up a little at church and w/ friends...but not that much....i seem sad lately, not like myself... I don't cry often, i've always thought that beneath meh...but i'm afraid that i'll become a rock, hard...unmovable...unable to show any emotion. I've been hiding my emotions and feelings lately... I look at the wound that i inflicted upon myself...i hope it'll scar. I want somethiing to remind meh why self mutilation is bad...and the promise i kept... My heart is a stone, i don't even care anymore when the members of the Sect are blown to bits by the Special Unit, or when Fuse kills his friend. But i begin to feel something when Fuse (or the other man) kills Kei... The ending of Jin Roh is one only the viewer can decide...did Fuse kill Kei, or did the man in the old building? I believe Fuse keilled Kei, showing that in his heart he was a beast, a wolf...and that the other man was going to kill her if Fuse didn't...kinda depressing... Why? Why do i feel this way? I can't really stand physical contact right now, like hugs and whatnot. I can kiss mum and dad goodnight and hug people good bye, but that's about all i can do...i mean, yeah i was able to hug and such after...after that night...but it's gotten harder...like i'm afraid i'll hurt someone again. When i die, where will my bones go? In a grave or a mausoleom? Will i be cremated or buried? Will i be known only as a number? Or a name on a gravestone? Why have i been having these sad and gloomy thoughts lately? My heart aches from having no use, no warmth... Poor Fuse, he still hasn't gotten over the death of Nanami Agawa...he's trying to find an answer that no one can give him... Tales of beast getting involved w/ humans always end on a bad note... My mouth can't even twitch when the laughing little boy trips and falls, losing his balloon...why? I don't want to be an emotionless shell...it's just not...me...that's when i revert to my alterego, Ed. Ed's always happy, and she's fun too... ...and let slip the dogs of war...that's what i think when i see Fuse's dream, when the wolves run out through the door and rip up Kei...let slip the dogs of war... I don't know what to do, i'm not too happy w/ Rachel right now. She told everyone who read her journal what i did w/o asking meh or realizing taht that was sommat i didn't want told, or that i myself wanted to tell when i was ready. She's abandoned us lately fer Ray...she's really changed eversince she has gotten Ray... We are not men disguised as mere dogs, we are wolves disguised as men... Only in the tales humans tell do the hunters kill the wolves in the end... |
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Angel_Bob | 04-09-03 1:25pm Try as hard as you can to get your emotions back! It's really bad to live without them...just floating along like a shell without a soul.
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KTHPKC | Re:, 04-09-03 5:51pm don't worry *pats rachel's back* i forgive you at least. I suppose when you have a boyfriend, your world starts revolving around his, so that the two can be intertwined...i don't mind having ray interfere, as he's a friend too...and i WILL get my emotions back, they'll probably come back when i least expect them to... |
Angel_Bob | 04-09-03 1:25pm Try as hard as you can to get your emotions back! It's really bad to live without them...just floating along like a shell without a soul.
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| Lavitz1985 | Re:, 04-09-03 3:50pm KT... I'm sorry... I know it was all my fault... I wish I could go back and undo what I did, just to heal your pain.... I'll help to fix it, I promise. Rachel... Don't let me interfere with anything you want to do with your friends, whether they are also my friends or not, it doesn't matter. I am not your life, and you need to do things with other people as well. It's not like I will not be waiting for you when you get back... |
KTHPKC | Re: Re:, 04-09-03 5:49pm well...i guess you both didn't read the spoiler warning...
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Angel_Bob | Re: Re: Re:, 04-09-03 7:06pm Hey yeah! I ain't a brother! |
miwako-chan | 04-10-03 10:33pm Katie... No matter what happens... I am always here for you, and will never leave you... If you are a beast.. Then I will learn to be one as well..... Wahtever you decide... I am behind you. |