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| mle (profile) wrote, on 6-3-2002 at 9:13pm | |
| Current mood: a little pissed at parents Music: goo goo dolls - slide (acoustic) and here is gone Subject: alone - ? |
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i feel like i am. its one of those feeling that you know isnt true, but it is. i mean, i walk through the halls and lots of ppl say hi and i reply and get this big-ass smile on my face. its second nature - say hi and smile. thats how i am. i love smiling :) (lol you should see how many are in my emails..) w/o it id be long gone! i can smile even when im on the edge, and itll make me a little better. a smile is always there for me, unlike people. people people people. cant live w/ em, cant live w/o em. love/hate relationship all the way! i mean, i push myself away, and then i want to cry every time i see a friend writing a note to someone except me or talk about a party i wasnt invited to or look at pictures im not in. selfish? sure you could say taht. but it hurts like hell. im caught between - i want to be loved more than anything. i just want people to like me for me, to care about me, to be there when i need them. but since they dont and they arent, i push them away as much as possible, swearing im better off this way. but then my social side reappears from childhood and begs for attention. and it circles around. i need someone. all day i think about mark. hes the closest thing i have to someone anymore. even if he doesnt want to hear me, i still tell myself he does. i was so bummed he had to work today. i needed him. i needed someone to cry on. well i have to go because my dad ahs something shoved up his ass..and im gonna go cry. im in the writing mood anyways. check back later for poems :) mle |
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spud | 06-04-02 4:30pm i can kinda relate to a few parts of that. the wanting someone. definitely. the seeing all the other people. but that's about it. i hope you start to feel less down. it'd be a nice thing to see. good for ya too! |
**danielle** | the..., 06-13-02 12:03am the paragraph starting with people, people..etc..I know what its like babe~
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