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mle (profile) wrote,
on 6-4-2002 at 9:23pm
Current mood: stressed, bummed
Music: eminem - hallie's song
Subject: downhill days

totally stressed about pom and cheer and dance. i just want them all (plus exams) just over w/! i want everything over w/! im havin major anxiety problems again - im about ready to lose control! i mean, i already broke down talkin to my mom after pom practice.

its like there's no end. i mean, sure i just have 4 (easy) exams left, cheer tryouts thurs, yrbk due thurs, recital fri. then blink/green day concert w/ kath on saturday :). but then work starts up. and i am put through the hell of swimsuit season all over again. only this time its every single day, mandatory (unless i want to sweat to death and get even worse tan lines). seriously. i have no idea why i put myself through all this absolute hell.
why do i disregard myself like this? i mean, i stick w/ the things that seem to hurt me the most.

oh god, i feel like im gonna crash again! im typing a fuckin mile a minute. seriously! i had such a good day - i was all happy/hyper w/ yearbooks and everything. it was awesome. and i took a 2 hour nap and chatted w/ markie and everything was peachy. then i went to pom, nd then i came home and ate. and i want to stab myself. i hate myself so much! why does this always happen?! every night, every fucking single night, i always turn into this manic-depressic nutcase that just freaks out and goes crazy at how much i hate myself. what the hell is wrong w/ me?

i need to get out of this. i need to get a life - i need to *enjoy* something in life. but it doesnt happen. im so fucking losing it. im seriously on the verge of tears and hysteria and suicide and rage all at the same time. i just want everything to be perfect. PERFECT DAMMIT! but its not - just simply as fucking far away as possible! and it kills me. it eats away at me until im like this - no control.
i need to go like, i dont know.. i have no solution to the feeling i have right now. i cant go cry, bc that wont fix everything. i cant call anyone bc i have no one to call. i cant punch a wall bc im a girl, and lets face it: id hurt myself more than i would the wall. i cant go run bc brians in the basement and its dark outside. i cant write bc im too upset - i only write when im depressed. so i have nothing. and ill probably go on spazzing out like this for the rest of the night and wake up exhausted.
just like every other night, only worse.

mle
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**danielle**

Hello~, 06-04-02 11:27pm



(reply to this)

**danielle**

HELLO, 06-04-02 11:30pm

HEY~I can relate with yah my friend~
just take it one thing at a time and you know everything
will turn out great because you're a great, amazing, smart
girl that's awesome at whatever you do. Try to got more
sleep this week~you'll feel a lot better~
3 days left and summer is here~
Good luck with the exams~I know everything will
turn out for the best
:)
Love yah
**danielle**
~Cheerleading "tryouts" are gonna be cake~
lets make a cake in celebration of it :):)
~~Keep on smilin~~

(reply to this)
mle

Re: HELLO, 06-04-02 11:40pm

thanks hun :) u can always make me smile!
if we both make the team, we are *definately* making a cake or something for school on fri! :)
mle

(reply to comment)
**danielle**

Re: Re: HELLO, 06-05-02 8:01pm

Emily~I've gotta break it to yah~we're both not making the team
I checked the coach's notes and it says Rinke was the only one that made it
~~So sorry~~
LOL~
PS~HOLY FREAKING QUIZES!!
ME n kathy had a blast with all of em in computer class
Keep em commin dude!!
**See yah soon**
~Danielle

(reply to comment)
mle

Re: Re: Re: HELLO, 06-06-02 3:59pm

i put that in my profile :)
mle

(reply to comment)

spud

06-05-02 10:39pm

boy. for someone with a sense of humour, you are pretty depressed. and unjustly so.

face it. you won't be able to fix everything. but how are you going to deal with everything? that is your quest.

sweating to death is a good way to shed a couple pounds. looking at just my caloric intake, i should weigh about 300 pounds. but i sweat constantly. aromatherapy and physical fitness wrapped up in one wet, slippery, salty mess. that's me!

(reply to this)
mle

Re:, 06-06-02 2:34pm

lol - ok, your whole aroma therapy...mess that just sounds gross.
but i hope you know- sweating to lose weight is *bad* bc its all water weight (not fat-weight) and you end up dehydrated. :) nice try though!
mle

(reply to comment)

spud

Re: Re:, 06-07-02 11:20pm

but it's water loss while i'm exercising. and i do drink lots to replenish it all.

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