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| KTHPKC (profile) wrote, on 4-27-2003 at 1:06pm | |
| Current mood: blank and sad Music: Twilight |
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| i finally cried today, while driving home from church today. It felt so good to finally get all the stocked up tears out, but it stopped as soon as it started, and i'm back to being numb... Perhaps i should explain, this whole year i've been feeling left out and not welcome at youth group...Amanda and Brit just keep me out, and it hurts me real deep because we (the youth group) are supposed to be like a family, and if my own church family doesn't welcome me in anymore, what'll i do? Today was the final straw, i felt like a ghost, only talked to when called on to try to interpret a passage in Phillipians and when looking at Amanda's prom pictures...i felt so...alone...hurt...then i went into nonfeely mode...i didn't care that much anymore... I'd shared almost all that was going on in my life last year to Amanda and Brit, it was them i went to when i found out that Derick was gay...and they don't give a damn anymore...i don't want to go to youth group anymore...dad and mum are making me, telling me that if i don't go one time, i won't go at all...i don't care...i just want someone to talk to and hang out w/ and be a friend w/ at church, but there's no one there for me... Why do you treat me this way? Look at me as if i were a freak. Sticks and stone break my bones but words and actions tear my soul in two. Just because i dress different act different speak different see different doesn't mean i don't have a heart as well. What did i do to make you turn away from me? Ignore my pain sneer at my unshed tears. I will never look at you the same you who hurt me more than anyone else could. You are no longer friends that i used to laugh with but bitter cruel people who enjoy making my life miserable. Don't look away this is your own doing. You turned me into a beast a wolf. Not caring about my precious emotions not caring that sometimes i cannot feel that i could not cry until now. Stand and take the punishment you deserve for splitting me into two and stepping all over me when i needed you the most. From this day forward we are not friends but bitter enemies foes until the end of our days. Are you happy that this is what you recieve in the end? Too bad, i don't care anymore. I'll be typing up my FHC (familial hypercholesterolemia) paper dealy today, then maybe i'll go and be in the woods by valley view, my kingdom, my realm...the place where i can think and be whatever i want to be... Please...someone come and help me...rip the hearts out of the bastards who ripped my heart out...and stomped on it...i can't take it anymore...i can't take it anymore...good lord, i need chocolate... |
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ende | 04-27-03 1:35pm i'm an ugly duckling.
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Angel_Bob | 04-27-03 4:55pm People change. |
miwako-chan | 04-27-03 5:27pm Katie... those bitches don't deserve you as a friend... I know it hurts... (Lord knows it has happened to me 100 times) But you still have your true friends who will always be here waiting for you... *hugs* |
| starstruck | Re:, 04-27-03 5:47pm Well said miwako. Always remember that KT, ppl do change, some friendships don't last forever, and there's nuthin wrong with ending the ones that aren't worth your time. There will be other girls, and some of em are here for you right now. |
Shinigami | Re: Re:, 04-27-03 6:14pm I really like that poem. It's very true. |
| ende | oh that.., 04-28-03 5:43pm well that was a rendition form something i wrote years ago, well all that i could remember off the top of my head, i'll put the real version on sometime |
Threshershark | 05-01-03 5:24pm Hi KT!
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