| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| silversoldier (profile) wrote, on 5-15-2003 at 7:58pm | |
| Current mood: emptiness Music: "Deadwood"-Garbage..... and "Crawling"-Linkin Park Subject: Fuck me next |
|
| First I bother to say that I don't love schylar... This makes schylar rather unhappy, along with the old feelings she has for certain people... But then I start getting love feelings for her again..... So, I've screwed up, cause I still can't read what these entities inside me want. I'm certainly thinking that I'm no longer two beings... not at the moment.... I'm smoothing into one thing... with many faces and personalities.... You never know which one will get you somewhere.... Then, of course, roxanne is sad about something... I can never be sure what's bothering her, but I know that something is... It's strange with her... she's not like most people; she worries about random things, not connecting a worry for a long period of time... just a peculiarity to wonder on..... Then I went to read Jessika's journal.... I'm just barely clued in on what's happening with her.... I just know that something big and ... grey is coming from this. (grey, not dark) I just hope I can say something to her that makes things help.... Then, there's maggie, who still claims she doesn't *like* me, bu it's obvious that she does.... And I always worry when I say things to her, because she is ... hmmm.... I guess she definitely has some insanities to beat upon herself.... And the girl that I don't even know her name, but we're friends online, and I kissed her.... (chatroom kiss.... doesn't feel like much, yet so much at the same time....).... I don't know what to feel about her... she's such a treasure, though.... Kirsten is just the same as usual... leaning on me for *spiritual guidance* or something like that... But definitely more of a flirt with Zach.... I'll be gone next year.. I wonder what happens next..... Then there's me... I'm such an insecurity. My grades dropping should have been some signal to my fecking parents... but no, since I tell them things are alright, then it must be true. *sigh*... I suppose everything is how it should be... if it wasn't, it wouldn't exist. I don't get why I act the way I do to people... the little grimace that scare so many of the people that I really like.... I don't know where I'm headed to.... Teachers decide during our most social period that we must get the most homework... god, I'm screwed so fast..... I don't know what to say next... things seem to move slowly compared to before... I don't have that sharp intellect.. I just place my voice in a soft whisper, hoping someone will listen in and know that I've changed..... Someone who can find some real help for me now........ |
|
| Post A Comment |
|
roxanne | lalala, 05-15-03 10:55pm randomness keeps things new its not healthy to stay on one random for an extended period of time i like to keep people guessing the less they know bout whats bothing me seems to be the best thing or what not |
Jessika | so much to say...i dont no how to talk anymore, 05-16-03 12:18am i reelly hate ppl. but u KANT leave next year!!i thought u were undecided! u just kant! wut would i do without u?!?Maggie is a dumb bitch who should die and go to the worst imaginable place, no, not hell.i have never liked her. she bugs me so when shes around u too. specially at african american thingy mabob...GRRR.....i will forevers hate her and not many pplz like her.but i have been curious for some time:do u like her?tolerate her?consider her ur friend?hate her?i do...next...very ppl are sad.im guessin the ones u just seem to piece together with ur nicko powers. nobody seems to notice most the time, however.u are great to see stuffs uthers dont. u have many great qualities and dont let dumbasses bring u down.and what xactly does the online kiss hafta do with anything...?evrything is not how it should be just becuz it is.there are things sum ppl hafta go threw that sooo many others will never no exist.i spose it will make sum stronger, but also destroy others.nobody deserves that.some ppl think that they do, like me, and i spose reelly dont.hmm.i just realized that...thanx.. if that all makes sence, ill be proud.teachers are justdumb.but my team has so less homework than urs.who do u wish to listen?evidentally sum ppl do, but they are not the ones ur kallin out to.u hafta think who u wish to no, then tell them.like i say, ppl r dumb.they need help in getting stuff.an extra hint or sumtin. my i feel like im givin advice where its no good/not wanted or sumthin, so peace |
Anonymous | Re: so much to say...i dont no how to talk anymore, 05-25-03 1:27am ur right, no one likes maggie:D |
| Anonymous | once again... sorry, 05-25-03 1:25am great. now im sorry twice in one night... ne who, im sorry i didnt notice you were changing... i did notice that you were being weirder than usual... i just thot that "hey this is nick, hes just being deep, or hes just a weird ass goof" (sorry for that) but i am truly sorry that you are confused, and while i cant point you in the right direction (im sure if i could, you wouldnt want my help anyways)... i'll always be here for you as long as you dont scare the crap out of me when asking for help:D... about your "love" stuff... you wont be able to figure that stuff out until you regain your composure a little bit and realize that yes, the world is a crazy, fucked up place, but you r part of it, so make the best of it... i hope you can find your wings again... and maybe get your grades back up;) |